Popcorn Parents - Family Movie Reviews

Family Movie Review: The Secret Life of Pets (PG)

TheSecretLifeOfPets ChesapeakeFamilyMovieReviewKernel Rating (out of 5): whole popcorn kernalwhole popcorn kernalwhole popcorn kernal

MPAA Rating: PG          Length: 90 minutes

Age Appropriate For: 6+. Some cartoon violence, including fistfights, numerous car crashes, the threat of drowning, an initiation ritual that includes a snakebite, and a ruse where pets pretend they killed their masters to get in good with the other group. Some wild party scenes from the pets’ perspective, some bullying, a few characters die off-screen, some bathroom humor (including jokes about defecating and pets being fixed), and a lecherous character who calls another his girlfriend, even though his feelings aren’t returned.

‘The Secret Life of Pets' has a number of cute moments that will be familiar and comforting for those who love their dogs, cats, birds, or other animals. But the story itself is mostly unremarkable, and its narrative shortcuts will annoy parents.

By Roxana Hadadi

Family Movie Review: Mother's Day (PG-13)

MothersDay ChesapeakeFamilyMovieReviewKernel Rating (out of 5): 0

MPAA Rating: PG-13        Length: 118 minutes

Age Appropriate For: 12+. The film follows different characters struggling with being mothers and daughters around the Mother’s Day holiday. There is some cursing and jokes about drugs, genitalia, strippers, and prostitution, some disparaging talk about younger/skinnier women, a woman wearing a skimpy bikini, women taking pole-dancing classes, a subplot involving a teenage pregnancy, an off-screen character death, a young child having a severe asthma attack, and a surprising amount of racism and homophobia, including some racial slurs about Middle Easterners and disparaging comments about people’s skin color.

Want some racism and sexism with your holiday celebration? The repellent ‘Mother’s Day’ has a surprising, distasteful, and shameful amount of both.

By Roxana Hadadi

Family Movie Review: Jason Bourne (PG-13)

Kernel Rating (out of 5): whole popcorn kernalwhole popcorn kernalwhole popcorn kernal

MPAA Rating: PG-13        Length: 123 minutes

Age Appropriate For: 14+. Lots and lots of gun violence, which may hit viewers particularly hard given everything going on in the world lately. Numerous people die; various fist-fights; a car bomb; mentions of torture; some cursing; and a couple of very destructive car chases. Also some discussions about security vs. privacy.

‘Jason Bourne’ brings original star Matt Damon back and revisits the franchise’s initial questions about individual privacy vs. national security. But the narrative is so narrow and moves forward so marginally that ‘Jason Bourne’ feels stuck in the past.

By Roxana Hadadi

Family Movie Review: Ice Age: Collision Course (PG)

IceAgeCollisionCourse ChesapeakeFamilyMovieReviewKernel Rating (out of 5): whole popcorn kernalwhole popcorn kernal

MPAA Rating: PG       Length: 94 minutes

Age Appropriate For: 6+. This fifth film in the “Ice Age” series places all the characters in danger when an asteroid threatens Earth, and there are some suspenseful scenes related to that plot; also, some bullying dinosaurs steal another dinosaur’s eggs, they try to eat a character, and they threaten to kill another. There’s a bizarre scene where tampering with gravity causes a character’s body to essentially fall apart, with his teeth falling out and other grotesque imagery, and in another scene a character dies and crumples into ash. Plus, a lot of bathroom humor, some feces- and butt-related gags, insult jokes, and some sexually suggestive jokes aimed at parents, like an amorous rabbit and one liners about online dating.

‘Ice Age: Collision Course,’ the fifth film in the franchise, doubles down on the anachronistic jokes and fast pace of the previous films. But its reliance on bathroom humor and whisper-thin characterizations are often exhausting.

By Roxana Hadadi

Family Movie Review: Ghostbusters (PG-13)

Ghostbusters ChesapeakeFamilyMovieReviewKernel Rating (out of 5): whole popcorn kernalwhole popcorn kernalwhole popcorn kernalhalf popcorn kernal

MPAA Rating: PG-13      Length: 116 minutes

Age Appropriate For: 12+. This addition to the ‘Ghostbusters’ franchise ups the scary factor a bit, with more demonic-looking ghosts that attack people; some fights between the humans and the ghosts and some creepy possessions; a good amount of sexism directed at our female protagonists that is thoroughly rejected by them; some flirtations between a few characters; and some cursing, bathroom humor, and rude jokes.

The much-talked-about all-female ‘Ghostbusters’ reboot acknowledges its detractors and wholly rejects them in this often-hysterical, smartly written new addition to the franchise. It has problems with pacing and shaking off its predecessors, but ‘Ghostbusters’ delivers enough laughs and scares to stand on its own.

By Roxana Hadadi

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Sat Jun 24, 2017 @12:00AM
Chesapeake Crab & Beer Festival, Baltimore
Sat Jun 24, 2017 @12:00AM
Columbia Festival of the Arts, Columbia
Sat Jun 24, 2017 @ 9:00AM
Very Cherry Harvest Party, elkton
Sat Jun 24, 2017 @10:00AM
Lil’ Stars, Columbia
Sat Jun 24, 2017 @10:00AM
Raton en Movimiento, Owings Mills
Sat Jun 24, 2017 @10:00AM
Lavendar Festival, Severn
Sat Jun 24, 2017 @12:00PM
Mess Fest, Baltimore
Sat Jun 24, 2017 @12:00PM
Beerfest, St. Mary's City
Sat Jun 24, 2017 @12:30PM
Father’s Day Kite Flight, Washington D.C
Sat Jun 24, 2017 @ 7:30PM
The Sound of Music, Washington D.C