Dear Dr. Debbie,
We are ready with all the school supplies but my five-year-old is anxious about going to kindergarten. She attended lots of Mommy and Me classes but hasn’t spent too much time with groups without me there. She’s a generally anxious child, especially if I’m not around. Not that she’s ever had one, but I’m afraid she’ll have a panic attack on the first day.
I should mention that I’m planning to get back in the workforce once she’s settled in to school, so maybe she’s picking up on my anxiety about that!
Holding Her Hand
Dear H.H.H.,
There are many things you can do to ease this transition. First of all, ease your mind with the fact that countless children have managed to start kindergarten successfully since the beginning of kindergarten in the late 1800’s.
Lower the Temperature
Have you been doing more than just thinking about the idea of planning to go back to work? Oftentimes good information can reduce stress. What do you need to know before you can move ahead with this idea? What jobs are available? Can you work from home? Is afterschool childcare available?
Use stress management techniques to reduce your stress about getting a job as well as about your daughter having an anxiety attack. Talk to a friend. Write in your journal. Take a breath. Enjoy a good workout. It is important as the parent to manage your stress level so your child can count on you to be steady when her emotions are overwhelming her.
To help lower her stress level, be as casual as possible as you help her get her things ready for the first day. You might share happy memories of your own first day, including fun surprises such as discovering the block corner, the shelves of picture books, and the playground. Mention a friendship that blossomed for you over a few days or weeks and perhaps lasted for years.
Your pediatrician might have a recommendation for a mental health provider to work with you and your child about her anxiety. A few sessions may be all it takes. Public schools have guidance counselors in the building who, among other services, are able to spend time supporting a reluctant kindergartner. Call the school to ask for a consultation about your child’s needs so that appropriate support can be arranged.
Find a book or two that will let your child experience what a first day of school is like for Curious George, Chu the panda, or the characters from Paw Patrol (and many others). A fictitious story will help her get familiar with the things and activities she’s likely to find in a kindergarten classroom.
Trust the Teacher
As this is the first week of school for Anne Arundel County Public Schools, you may have had the chance to go to a Sneak a Peek last week to explore the classroom, meet the teacher, and bump into other children and parents doing the same. AACPS also staggers the entry to kindergarten with only a portion of the class attending each day for the first week so that students aren’t overwhelmed with meeting the whole class at once. Smaller groups are also easier for the teacher to manage, giving the more anxious students extra support on their first days.
Teachers, too, are preparing to make the first days go well. A brilliant technique my child’s kindergarten teacher used was to have students dump ALL their crayons into a common container for EVERYONE to make use of. She explained that in kindergarten everyone shares. What a nice introduction!
Some schools post photographs of the teachers online. This is helpful for the child needing more familiarity with the grown-up who will take care of whatever she can’t take care of herself.
Plan to attend the Back-to-School Night for parents. The schedule for each elementary school in AACPS can be found here. Use other opportunities to interact with the teacher so that your confidence in her can be observed by your daughter. You might sign up to be a volunteer at the school which can additionally connect school and home for your child.
Meet Some Classmates
Best would be for your daughter to have a buddy before the first day. At age five, a child tends to go to a peer for help more readily than to an adult. And with an average 20 to 25 students, an individual teacher is not always available to help. For a child not too used to interacting with other children her age, you can increase her comfort by having one-on-one play dates with a classmate.
In some communities, parents use social media to organize meet-ups at the school playground or at a nearby park so children can make a friend to find in their classroom. Some teachers create a class contact list to help families connect with each other. If not, ask if you can collect contact information, maybe at Back-to-School night. Forge friendships for yourself among the parents that will support the friendships among the classmates.
Even after the school year has started, families can reinforce school friendships, and the emotional security they bring, by organizing play dates and meet-ups outside of school hours.
Delay
Social Anxiety, or Separation Anxiety, could necessitate skipping the possible disaster that starting kindergarten may pose for your child. The State of Maryland requires kindergarten enrollment for all children turning 5 by September 1st. However, you could request a one-year delay and give her another year of small group interactions to boost her independence from you.
If you’re interested in a job working with or around children, there may be a place for both of you at a preschool, recreation center, children’s gym, etc. where she would have at least a few hours of supervision while you work there. You would then enroll her in kindergarten for next fall when her anxiety is less of an issue.
Or find the ideal job in a private school that has a very small class of kindergarteners.
If your goal is to have a full-time job (and not necessarily around children), look for a family child care provider who already has a couple of four and five-year-olds. She can have no more than 8 children in total. Plan to spend some of your time between job hunting as an unpaid assistant until your daughter is “at home” with the provider. A registered family child care program can count as kindergarten as long as the parent files a written request, then the student can move up to first grade next fall, hopefully with a friend or two.
A friend makes everything easier.
Dr. Debbie
Write your question to Dr. Debbie! Please include age(s) of your child(ren) and other details about the situation or concern.
Deborah Wood, Ph.D. is a child development specialist and founding director of Chesapeake Children’s Museum, located at 25 Silopanna Road in Annapolis. Online reservations are available or call: 410-990-1993. Walk-ins are welcome.
There is a Nature Walk on Thursdays at 10:30 am. Art and Story Time with Mrs. Spears and Puppy the Puppet is on Mondays at 10:30 am. Every Tuesday and Wednesday in August CCM has been hosting Crafternoons from 1-3 pm. This week’s theme is Beading. CCM will be at Kids on the Creek at the Truxtun Park Boat Ramp on Saturday, August 29, 11 am to 2 pm. Free boat rides!
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