Dear Dr. Debbie,
I’ve been enjoying a lovely six-month maternity leave with our first born. My husband had about a month off, so it’s just the baby and me until he gets home from work. She and I take walks, go to exercise class and visit with grandparents together. Childcare is all set up for when I go back to work in a couple of weeks. We toured the center and everything looks lovely.
What can we be doing to help ease her into this (and maybe a little help for me)?
A Change is Coming
Dear CIC,
Babies pretty much live in the moment, but patterns of experiences build up into a sense of security in knowing what to expect of the world.
Gradual Immersion
Ask the director about having some more visits to the center before your start date, both inside and outside. These are opportunities for your little one to get familiar with the colors and shapes of the place as well as specific toys, smells and noises.
Ask about stopping by toward the end of the day, so you might meet the other babies’ parents. Some centers do a great job of helping parents get to know each other. There are so many benefits to the families and the children! Ask if there are any family events or parent events coming up. If not, perhaps you could organize a meet-up at a park on the weekend?
It would be ideal if your baby can “practice” being fed by her future caregiver. Feeding is an emotional experience for babies and should be enjoyable. If you exclusively breastfeed at this point, get Daddy’s help to introduce bottle feeding to your little one. We don’t want the bottle to be a complete unknown on her first day in childcare.
If you’re at all musically inclined, make up a song to sing each time you come into the parking lot, and another for when you get back in the car with her to go home. The going home verse could have changeable lyrics about her experiences – what she ate, her caregivers’ names, her classmates’ names, what she played with, etc.
Note, she will be assigned to one primary caregiver, however there may be a shift change during the day since centers are typically open for more than eight hours. There are also usually two teachers with three children each in an infant classroom. All of these names – the adults’ and the children’ – will be part of the song at one time or another!
It would be ideal if you can have shorter than usual work days, or fewer than five days the first week, to start off this new way of living.
Faces
When you visit, introduce your baby to all the adults, chatting in a friendly voice as you do so she takes the hint that you feel perfectly safe with them. Take photos of the teachers. Review these daily up to and for at least a week after the first day in care. They probably won’t let you take pictures of the other babies, but still introduce your daughter to the other two who are also assigned to her primary teacher.
On her first day, repeat the introductions. Help your daughter get busy with a toy, or comfy with a teacher, before you leave.
Some centers recognize how hard leaving your baby is, and will send you pictures throughout the day. If they don’t mention it, please ask. Her happy face will let you know that all is well.
Personality Differences and Individual Needs
Every baby is unique. Some are easy to communicate with, have regular daily rhythms for eating and sleeping, engage with curiosity with the world around them, and recover quickly from an upset. Others are a stormy mix of traits and requirements.
Share your observations about your child with the caregivers, or at least on a “Let’s Get to Know Your Baby” form if one is provided. The more the staff knows about your child’s personality and daily needs the better.
As a three-year-old teacher, I had a parent give me a very important tip about her son. At nap time, she suggested, “Give him a light circular stroke on his temple.” Sure enough, I remembered to do this when I stopped by his cot. His head hit the pillow, his thumb popped into his mouth, and his eyelids relaxed into their closed position.
“I’ll be back!”
Do you play peek-a-boo? Of course you do. This game teaches a baby about object permanence. That is, objects still exist even when you can’t see them. Yes, Mommy is an object. Stretch this concept further by leaving the room and re-appearing. You can add a singsong chant when you return, such as “Hear I am!” which the baby will learn to anticipate.
I played this game with my first grandchild, whom I babysat once or twice a month the first year. I realized it would be easier to go to the bathroom if I didn’t have to hold a baby at the same time (yes, I could manage this as a young mother, but being a grandmother gives one a chance to try new tricks!). The game started with me saying, “I’ll be ri-ght back” as I slowly backed out of the room. In a nanosecond I reappeared with, “Here I am!” to the baby’s delight. I gradually increased the length of time I couldn’t be seen, until the time was long enough to quickly use the toilet.
Young children don’t understand time, but they do learn patterns that are predictable.
Adjustment Phase
Please note that despite established hygiene procedures, it is quite common for children and staff in group childcare to catch and spread germs. Hopefully your work obligations will allow for time off if needed. At home, you can observe hand-washing as part of the return home routine and other suggestions the center may provide. As always, fresh air, healthy food, good sleep and less stress all contribute to a healthier immune system.
Allow for an adjustment period of about two weeks for your little one, you and Daddy, to lock into the whole new routine. Have supplies ready and a time set to pack for the day. Plan ahead for re-stocking. She may be more clingy and fussy, and have trouble sleeping during this adjustment phase. Keep your obligations outside of work and family to a bare minimum.
Review the photos of her teachers and talk about the center with her. Your family is entering its next chapter.
Dr. Debbie
Deborah Wood, Ph.D. is a child development specialist www.drdebbiewood.com and founding director of Chesapeake Children’s Museum www.theccm.org.
The museum is open daily from 10 am to 4 pm. Online reservations are available https://www.theccm.org/event-details/purchase-tickets-in-advance or call: 410-990-1993. Each Thursday there is a guided nature walk at 10:30 am. Art and Story Times with Mrs. Spears and Puppy the Puppet are on Monday mornings at 10:30 am.
Come to the Kunta Kinte Festival this Saturday, September 14 at the Navy Stadium! From 10 am to 7 pm, Chesapeake Children’s Museum is providing hands-on activities that show the connection between Kunta Kinte’s homeland in west Africa and the community of Veracruz, Mexico which has been home to a community with African roots for more than four centuries. Free admission.
On Sunday, September 15, Chesapeake Children’s Museum is hosting its Hispanic Heritage Month Kickoff with musical performances by Marshall Learning Choir and Cantaré, Latin American crafts, and bilingual storytelling. Free admission.
Read more of Dr. Wood’s Good Parenting columns by clicking here.
