Dear Dr. Debbie,
My children, ages three and five, get upset when a toy is broken. Sometimes a plastic vehicle has been left on the floor and gets stepped on. Or the paper cover on a cardboard “treasure box” starts to peel off. Or the seams on a stuffed animal just weren’t made to withstand rough treatment. The three-year-old, especially, gets so distraught. It’s as if the world has let him down.
Chief Consoler
Dear C.C.,
Yes, these tragedies are startling and potentially disastrous from a young child’s point of view. You can help your children manage inevitable disappointments by using these events as teachable moments.
Taking Care of Things
One reason for having daily cleanup times is to help children develop the habit of putting things in their proper place. Of course, the toy that was stepped on should’ve been put away and not left on the floor. However in the moment of grief, your child can’t hear this. The teachable moment for this lesson will be the next time he needs to clean up. You can help him recall his disappointment: “Let’s make sure no toys are left on the floor so they won’t get stepped on and broken. That was upsetting.”
Using Tools
Some breaks are easily repaired. A bit of glue or a piece of tape quickly restores a paper label on a toy. Other repair jobs require a bit of skill with the proper tool. If not by you, then maybe by someone else in your family’s network. There are plenty of people who can wield a sewing needle and thread. A few minutes in competent hands and that ripped seam on a stuffed animal, or a doll’s dress, or a superhero cape, is as good as new.
Was a loose screw the culprit in the barn door coming off a toy barn? Show your child how a screw driver works – righty tighty, lefty loosey. If there’s a nut missing, a quick trip with your child to the hardware store is an even richer experience in putting tools to use to solve a problem.
Such lessons should reduce future emotional breakdowns over a broken toy as your children learn that many broken things are easily repaired. And that their grown-ups are amazing. Soon they’ll be happy to get instruction in using these tools themselves.
What’s Inside?
It’s true that some “toys” aren’t durable enough for children’s play. For example, a souvenir maraca from Mexico can easily crack or lose its handle with a few miscalculated shakes. While it may not be practical to get another one, you can easily make a maraca with an empty plastic water bottle.
Before redirecting his grief to the purpose of making a new maraca, use the tragic moment to pique your child’s curiosity about what was rattling around in there. Is it beans? Seeds? Rocks? What is the exterior of the maraca made of? A dried gourd? Carved wood? A coconut shell? Is the handle an attached stick?
A good use of the internet is to find images and videos that can take you and your child almost anywhere in the world. This might be a good time to explore how maracas are made and how you might make your own from things around the house!
Stick to a Budget
Yes, children get upset when their playthings break. Remember, toys are children’s tools. (You’d be upset if your smartphone were on the fritz.) Toys help children make sense of the world. A toy can reinforce ideas about transportation, architecture, fluid dynamics, commerce, a career in health, how to care for a family, and so much more. Toys help children build their skills including imagination, problem solving, hand strength and dexterity and many other important abilities.
You can keep from getting upset yourself about the economic waste of a broken toy if you are careful with budgeting for playthings in the first place. Toys needn’t be expensive to be satisfying to a young child. A child’s value system regarding a toy has nothing to do with what its cost was. In fact some of the things a child may prefer to play with are not toys at all. Since long before plastic and batteries, going back infinite generations, these are some of the things children have used to help them learn about the world and develop their skills: dirt and sticks. String has also been around for ages (can you play Cat’s Cradle?), and at least several generations of parents marvel that children often get more fun out of the box a toy came in than the toy itself.
If the purchase of a toy didn’t break the bank, you can more easily focus on comforting your child about it breaking, and move on with a good life lesson.
Dr. Debbie
Write your question to Dr. Debbie! Please include age(s) of your child(ren) and other details about the situation or concern.
Deborah Wood, Ph.D. is a child development specialist and founding director of Chesapeake Children’s Museum, located at 25 Silopanna Road in Annapolis.
Summer hours for CCM are from 10 am to 5 pm daily. Online reservations are available or call: 410-990-1993. Walk-ins are welcome. Each Thursday there is a guided nature walk at 10:30 am. Art and Story Time with Mrs. Spears and Puppy the Puppet is on Monday mornings at 10:30 am.
Bubble Fest is scheduled for Saturday, August 2 at 10:30 am and Make Your Own Afro-Beat is at 3 pm for making rhythm instruments and joining in a rhythm circle. Parents and other caregivers of children from birth to age five have an opportunity to gain insights and tools from Dr. Wood in a 6-part in-person seminar series starting Wednesday, August 6, 5:30-7:30 pm at Chesapeake Children’s Museum. Childcare can be provided if arranged in advance. Call 410-990-1993 or email: [email protected] for more information.
