Dear Dr. Debbie,
I know it’s not right to compare children, but my three-year-old doesn’t have nearly the vocabulary her cousin did at this age. The four-year-old next door is already reading. My child is happy, friendly, and easy to manage but should I be doing more to improve her language skills? By the way, her hearing checks out fine.
Are We Behind?
Dear A.W.B.,
Development is a very uneven process. And you are correct that child-to-child comparisons are unhelpful. Instead let’s tap into the work of Dr. Arnold Gesell and the child development researchers and language practitioners who have built upon his studies and theories of how children progress based on thousands upon thousands of children.
Typical Language Milestones
Since Gesell’s initial work in 1911, observations of three-year-olds over more than a century have given us snap shots of typical development. This includes norms for how many words they can use, how well they can pronounce them, and the fact that very few three-year-olds are able to read. So we don’t expect them to.
Child development is a little like gardening. As the gardener, you need to support a timetable of growth – when to start the seeds, when to add water (and how much), when to add stakes for support, and when to expect and harvest the crop. There’s no point in overwatering. And certainly no point to harvesting your Brussels sprouts when they’re only the size of peas. An agricultural specialist can assure you that their progress over the summer is on schedule, or recommend amendments to your soil, or changes to your watering schedule, to improve the output. They might also remind you to enjoy your garden as it grows.
Knowing the typical pattern of language, or other aspects of development, helps parents and professionals recognize when a child is way ahead or way behind. In either case, it’s important to interact with that child according to her level of development. If she’s ahead, match her abilities with conversation and reading material at her level.
If she’s developing within the range of what’s typical for her age, just let her keep doing what she’s doing!
Language Boosters
If she’s behind, follow recommendations from trusted sources such as the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association for fun activities you can do with your child to boost language development:
Use old magazines to cut out pictures of common objects – animals, furniture, cars – and have your daughter choose some to glue on a piece of paper then dictate a story to you about them.
- Sing children’s songs with her – Twinkle Little Star, Old MacDonald, Eensy Weensy Spider, etc. Thanks to the internet, you can easily look up the lyrics for songs you can’t quite remember.
- Share picture books with her. Talk about the illustrations, the characters, and the plot, as you turn the pages at her pace. Help her relate what’s happening in the book to her own real-life experiences. This can be part of your bedtime routine as well as any time she wants to snuggle up with you.
- Take her to story times! Anne Arundel County Public Libraries have a schedule for Preschool Story Times at all the branches. Chesapeake Children’s Museum has Art and Story Time every Monday. Look for these same books in the children’s section of the library so you can check them out to enjoy at home. Picture books are in the “JP” section, shelved alphabetically by the author’s last name.
- Look at family pictures together and ask your child details about the people, the places, the occasions, and her feelings about these.
- Engage in make-believe play to carry out pretend conversations with her about taking care of a baby doll, buying groceries, going to the doctor’s office, etc.
Developmentally Appropriate Practice
Early childhood professionals have adopted a standard of engaging with young children known as Developmentally Appropriate Practice or DAP for short. Teacher expectations, adult-child interactions, classroom and outdoor environments, and activities are all planned according to typical stages of development.
For a while it seemed popular to teach babies to read, to give toddlers violin lessons, and to expect preschoolers to display good sportsmanship in a team soccer game. What’s at risk of being lost in these quests for rushing children’s skills is time for play and a deep connection between the adults and the children in their care. If you’re cultivating Brussels sprouts, give the plants what they need when they need it. Children, likewise, need attentive care according to their stage of development and they need not to be rushed.
There’s no benefit to rushing to be ahead of anyone when it comes to supporting a child’s unfolding development. Erika Christakis, author of The Importance of Being Little tells us that children’s “life expectancies are longer and their social-emotional capabilities are more robust when they have a chance to learn through play and through deep relationships.”
Enjoy your happy, friendly, easy-to-manage child. Add more language boosting activities if she’s not within the range of typical language development. And delight in her growing abilities as they sprout.
Dr. Debbie
Deborah Wood, Ph.D. is a child development specialist and founding director of Chesapeake Children’s Museum.
The museum is open daily from 10 am to 4 pm. Online reservations are available or call: 410-990-1993. Each Thursday there is a guided nature walk at 10:30 am. Art and Story Times with Mrs. Spears and Puppy the Puppet are on Monday mornings at 10:30 am.
Thanks to a grant from the Institute for Museum and Library Services, CCM is hosting low-cost workshops for childcare professionals. “A World of Music and Dance” will be held on Saturday, December 7, 9:30-11:30 am. Register here. The workshop is MSDE-approved for Core of Knowledge content.
Read more of Dr. Wood’s Good Parenting columns by clicking here.
