Dear Dr. Debbie,
I’m usually the one buying toys for our children, ages 4, 6, and 10. My husband says they should be free to do whatever they please with them, including taking them outside. I always have said, “No” unless it’s definitely an “outside” toy, like a ball or a frisbee. Now the six-year-old is trying to get Dad to side with her about bringing an expensive doll (over $100!) and her clothes outside to play in the igloo the kids have made in the yard. To be honest, I’m dreaming that the doll may one day be enjoyed by a grandchild.
Cost Conscious Toy Buyer
Dear Toy Buyer,
I agree that some toys are for inside play only. I also agree that some toys are a child’s personal property.
Outside Toys
Depending on the weather, the terrain, and the amount of supervision available, these are examples of good outside toys: balls, hula hoops, jump ropes, frisbees, bubbles, pails and shovels – for dirt, sand, or snow, and bicycles or trikes (and helmets from the very beginning) if you have a safe space to ride. If you have a flat piece of concrete – sidewalk, back steps, or driveway – this can function as a canvas for chalk drawing. If needed, stay close to monitor street traffic that may not see the artists on the ground.
Fair weather is ideal for messy outdoor art activities such as paint or natural clay. A fun wintertime paint activity is to use tempera paints on a snow-covered backyard table or deck. The paint will eventually wash away as the snow melts. If a plow has made a nice snow wall, this, too, makes a great canvas for washable paint.
Some toy cars and trucks are fine outside toys – requiring a routine of returning them to their weatherproof outdoor storage spot or brought with them when the children come back inside. The natural consequence of leaving a metal toy car outside, of course, is that it may rust. This is a good lesson for a child to learn.
On the subject of toys that get damaged, use the opportunity as a teachable momemt for you to show compassion, gently remind your children of the forgotten routine of bringing toys back inside, and if possible, teach them how to get a toy back to working condition. A little sandpaper and elbow grease might be all the help a rusted toy car needs.
It doesn’t sound as if the doll in question could be easily restored to its original condition if accidentally left out in the snow.
Inside Toys
Certain playthings should not be taken outside unless closely supervised by an adult. They’re too fragile, expensive, or otherwise irreplaceable. Books come to mind, also toys with lots of small parts, and china tea sets. The outside environment can be harsh and outdoor play tends to be more boisterous than indoor play.
An expensive doll could be carefully supervised in the igloo if an adult has the time. But otherwise, a toy that is that expensive should be kept inside. Furthermore, depending on the child’s age and maturity level, this may be a toy that is kept out of reach unless supervised.
At the same time, other indoor playthings, those not requiring supervision, need to be easily accessible to encourage independent play. Construction sets – from Duplos to erector sets – allow for creative problem solving on one’s own. Some families create a space so that structures can remain incomplete and unbothered between play sessions.
Don’t forget the value of playing with things that weren’t marketed as playthings in the first place. Loose parts – random items found around the house – are more challenging for the imagination that boxed toy sets that come with specific instructions as to how to use them.
Personal Property
If a child has her own room, this can help to identify toys that are private property. In a shared room, individually owned toys can be kept in boxes or on shelves designated as belonging to one sibling or the other. Personal property includes toys that are gifts from friends and relatives (including parents), and gifts purchased with the child’s own money.
At some point, responsibility for taking good care of the expensive doll must be passed on to its owner. It’s unreasonable to give a child a toy to play with (unsupervised) if your expectation is that this doll will be someday passed down to a grandchild. This is a level of responsibility that may be beyond the reach of your daughter for a few more years.
A more practical approach to helping a child to enjoy her playthings is to keep a handle on the budget for this. Yard sales, consignment shops, and pass-around circles of friends and relatives can extend the family budget for toys that are not destined to become heirlooms.
Economizing on toys with your own children may help you be able to splurge on your grandchildren when the time comes!
Dr. Debbie
Write your question to Dr. Debbie! Please include age(s) of your child(ren) and other details about the situation or concern.
Deborah Wood, Ph.D. is a child development specialist and founding director of Chesapeake Children’s Museum, located at 25 Silopanna Road in Annapolis. Online reservations are available or call: 410-990-1993. Walk-ins are welcome. There is a Nature Walk on Thursdays at 10:30 am. Art and Story Time with Mrs. Spears and Puppy the Puppet is on Mondays at 10:30 am.
Dr. Wood is presenting a series of Zoom workshops on Wednesday evenings for parents and other caregivers of young children: “I Had it First!” Teaching Preschoolers Conflict Resolution on March 11, and Stress with Children on March 25. All workshops are from 7-9 pm.
