Kernel Rating (out of 5): 
MPAA Rating: PG-13 Length: 113 minutes
Age Appropriate for: 15+. Cursing; vampires murdering people and drinking their blood; electroshock therapy on children; projectile vomit; alcohol and drug use; and a somewhat surprising amount of sexual content, including a couple of suggested sex scenes, a suggested oral sex scene, a lot of cleavage, and jokes about sex and masturbation.
At this point in his career, Tim Burton doesn’t have original ideas anymore, so he puts his patented faux-Gothic spin on ’70s soap opera ‘Dark Shadows.’ With co-conspirator Johnny Depp, Burton has created a world that moves at a languid pace, is drenched in blood, and doesn’t make much of an impact.
By Roxana Hadadi
There is probably no director living today who has a more recognizable style than Tim Burton—once you’re plunged into one of his lushly Gothic fantasies, it’s clear who you’re watching. Burton’s latest, “Dark Shadows,” follows that playbook, but all the sarcastic one-liners, bloody throats, and wide-eyed waifs in the world couldn’t fix this remake.
