I know, I know. This is a movie series based on a cartoon based on Hasbro action figures based on stereotypical ideas of American masculinity from decades ago. I get that depth isn’t really something to expect here. But the film takes itself so seriously when a little campiness or self-awareness would have worked wonders. (Lines making light of torture, like “They call it a waterboard, but I never get bored,” don’t count.) The U.S. president is an imposter and terrorists are taking over and we need high-powered guns and warheads and all kinds of weapons to save the world? Great! But what if writers Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick (who worked on “Zombieland” together) had put in some not-lazy jokes? Or some character development? Or some sense that these characters—heroes or villains—have any kind of motivations at all besides the obvious “total world domination”? There’s a stagnant quality to the film that its layers of violence upon violence upon violence can’t invigorate.
“Retaliation” picks up where “Rise of Cobra” left off, with the U.S. President (Jonathan Pryce) actually a baddie mercenary from terrorist group Cobra who has secretly infiltrated the White House (because super-advanced technology has made him a shape-shifter, obviously) and plans to further his evil agenda of destroying the world, or America, or something. So he sends the elite G.I. Joes to Pakistan to recover some nuclear weapons, with the actual intention of killing them all and paving the way for Cobra’s takeover. Soldiers Duke (Channing Tatum, of “Magic Mike,” “21 Jump Street,” “The Vow,” “Haywire,” “The Eagle,” “The Dilemma,” “Dear John,” and “Rise of Cobra”), Roadblock (Johnson, of “Snitch,” “Journey 2: The Mysterious Island,” “Fast Five,” “Faster,” “The Other Guys,” “Tooth Fairy,” “Planet 51,” and “Race to Witch Mountain”), and Lady Jaye (Palicki, of “Red Dawn”) have no idea they’re being set up.
But then! Then they get attacked by whom they consider to be their allies, realize something is amiss, and start unraveling that maybe they didn’t beat Cobra after all. As the G.I. Joes gather up their surviving members and start planning their revenge, they also have to contend with the fact that Cobra is amassing baddies, too, ninjas and mercenaries and all kinds of evildoers. What are the Joes supposed to do when the entire U.S. military is at the disposal of their enemies? Who can they call?
Well, the original Joe (Bruce Willis, of “A Good Day to Die Hard,” “The Expendables 2,” “Moonrise Kingdom,” “The Cold Light of Day,” and “Cop Out”), of course—who just happens to be available! How fortuitous. Let the barrage of violence and needless destruction begin!
It’s not that “Retaliation” is a bad action movie; it has some really impressive set pieces, like a slashing fight between dueling ninjas soaring and gliding between mountains and cliffs in the Himalayas, and the scene where London is blown to smithereens is impressive for its sheer audacity. But the film’s addition of 3-D, which delayed its release for nine months, is completely unnecessary, and the explosions and bullets and motorcycles that come apart to turn into mini-bombs (yes, that’s a legitimate weapon used in the film) get fairly tedious after a while. And there’s nearly two solid hours of this kind of thing. It’s exhausting.
The acting this time around, in comparison with “Rise of Cobra,” is somewhat better—Tatum has really come into his own as an actor in the last four years; Johnson could charm his way out of a paper bag; and Palicki has great screen presence—but there’s so little to work with that the characters just move around like pieces on a chess set. Go to this battle scene, then another, then fight some ninjas, then meet up with Willis, then figure out a way to save the world. You know where all this is going. Even though it’s done fairly efficiently, as would-be blockbuster action movies go, “Retaliation” suffers most primarily from a total lack of surprise.
Most egregious is the fact that you could very well not notice miss rapper, producer, and all-around pop culture tastemaker RZA in a small cameo, as well as wonderful character actor Walton Goggins, who also—quite sadly—has very little screen time. You have talent like that, and they’re relegated to the teeniest tiniest of roles? It’s those kinds of mistakes that make “Retaliation” fine, for what it is: a movie about action figures. As much as Chu tries to give the story some realistic grit, it will always be plastic.
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