Kernel Rating (out of 5):
MPAA Rating: R Length: 88 minutes
Age Appropriate for: 14+. Rated R mainly for cursing (four or five instances of the f-word, basically); lots of dumb, cartoonish violence (think decapitations, fake blood, people pulled apart, etc.); some nudity (a woman’s butt and one breast), caressing of cleavage, and an implied sex scene; and really gross, ugly depictions of witches. Honestly, nothing about it is so offensive that male teens should be banned from seeing it, but it is pretty stupid and purposeless (which is a good reason, on its own, to stay away).
The tagline for ‘Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters’ is ‘Classic tale, new twist.’ But really, it could be ‘Old tale, old twists,’ since nothing about this typical action movie is either innovative or revolutionary. Just oodles of fake blood, some sarcastic cursing, and evil women stealing your children. Yawn.
By Roxana Hadadi
We were all supposed to see “Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters” nearly a year ago—that’s almost 300 days! But Paramount Pictures pushed back its release date from the original March 2012 to now, January 2013—maybe as a way to capitalize on Renner’s rising star? To add another offering to January’s action-packed schedule? Or maybe because “Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters” is just so flat and unoriginal and dumb that Paramount figured, “Hey, we’ll just drop it off in a week when basically nothing else is opening that could challenge it.”
Yeah … probably that last reason. Because “Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters” has very little to be pumped about.