To be fair, 2002’s “Men in Black 2” wasn’t that great, either, with its too-complicated plot about a weird plant queen needing the “Light of Zartha” to like, take over the universe or something? And Agent K (Tommy Lee Jones, of “Captain America: The First Avenger”) was in retirement and had erased his own memory, and Agent J (Will Smith) needed to get him back, and then eventually the film ended with the realization that we’re just a small race with our own small problems. Strangely morbid all-around, and certainly less fun than the original “Men in Black,” which in 1997 helped invigorate the sci-fi genre and cemented Smith as a bona fide action star.
But with “MIB3,” chances are you’ll want to be flashy-thinged after, since it’s so inconsistent and often unfunny, lacking the charming bite of the first “MIB.” Although it furthers some character development along, adding a bit to whom Agent K is and the relationship between him and Agent J, ultimately it fails to surprise or thrill. Even with a budget of $375 million, things just don’t click.
Agents J and K have been partners for 14 years, but things are still stiff and awkward between them when “MIB3” begins. Agent J knows little about Agent K’s past, Agent K is unwilling to share, and when they learn that bad guy Boris the Animal (Jemaine Clement, of “Rio”) has escaped from a prison on the moon, the schism between them grows. Agent K was the one to put Boris, the last of evil alien race the Boglodites—fanged, fearsome creatures whose arms open up so little spider-scorpion hybrid things that spit spikes can crawl out—away in July 1969, but he’s not saying anything about their showdown, not even during a sad phone call to Agent J in the middle of the night. “Something happened, K, what happened?” Agent J asks, but alas, there’s no response. And then, the next morning, Agent K is gone—erased from the world.
What causes this phenomenal shift is Boris’s ability to time travel, go back to 1969, and kill the younger Agent K (Josh Brolin, of “True Grit”) before K captured him and sent him to the moon, preventing a Boglodite invasion of Earth. So with Agent K gone, the Boglodites can invade Earth in this alternate version of the present, meaning death and destruction for all. Whoops!
It becomes Agent J’s mission, then, to convince Agent O (played by Emma Thompson, of “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2,” and Alice Eve, of “The Raven”) of Agent K’s pivotal role in world history and to travel back to 1969 so he can kill the younger version of Boris the Animal before the older Boris arrives and kills young Agent K. It sounds complicated, but just roll with it.
The problem, though, is that director Barry Sonnenfield (who directed the previous two “MIB” films) and writer Etan Cohen (who previously wrote “Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa”) make it very hard to get into the film’s groove. The film begins with Boris’s breakout from Mars, but there’s no explanation regarding his mysterious girlfriend, or why his spider-scorpion thing was separated from him and needed to be smuggled in via cake. Then we get time with Agent J and Agent K, but their interaction seems very stiff and forced—all these years later, their one-sided relationship just seems unbelievable. There’s no need for the gross Chinese food restaurant scene besides its grossness. And large action scenes? Sure, there are a few chases that benefit from the extra 3-D effects. But ultimately the climax feels hushed and lacks impact.
There are some good things: Michael Stuhlbarg (of “Hugo”) is very, very good as the alien Griffin, who can see multiple future possibilities and spouts them off rapid-fire. The list of aliens living on Earth has now grown to include Lady Gaga (of course) and Andy Warhol, who turns out to be portrayed by a very funny “Saturday Night Live” comedian doing a very funny cameo. And Brolin really nails it as Agent K, tweaking his personality just a bit while remaining stoic and gruff. It’s a solid performance that stays away from caricature.
But “MIB3” overall feels like an imitation, with its overdone CGI, bizarre diatribes from Agent J as he neuralyzes confused citizens (there’s one that criticizes parents, another which mocks people’s refusal to turn off their cell phones during flights), and icky gags. And while the conclusion is certainly sentimental, it goes for emotion in a way that refuses to gel with the rest of the too-slick film. Maybe “MIB3” was a good idea once, but after 10 years, the franchise hasn’t aged gracefully. What was once mind-modifying is now thoroughly mediocre.
