Two years ago, “The Smurfs” somehow made more than $500 million worldwide—one of cinema’s greatest mysteries, perhaps?—and now the sequel “The Smurfs 2” descends upon us. It is, not surprisingly, basically a carbon copy of the first film, with the Smurfs in danger and Gargamel (Hank Azaria, of “Happy Feet Two” and “The Smurfs”) being all dastardly and the little blue beings running all over our world, tripping and farting in equal measure. Where is the lighthearted glee of the original ’80s cartoon based on the creations of artist Peyo? So, so absent.
2011’s film introduced us to the feud between the Smurfs and wizard Gargamel, who created Smurfette (voiced by Katy Perry, of “Katy Perry: Part of Me” and “The Smurfs”) as a way of infiltrating their group. But the Smurfs, led by Papa Smurf (voiced by Jonathan Winters, of “The Smurfs”) befriended her and invited her into their familial community; three years later, as “The Smurfs 2” begins, she’s still a part of their lives. They’ve even made her blue, just like them. But Smurfette isn’t sure of herself, of her identity, of whether her family really loves her—and when she thinks they have forgotten her birthday, she swirls into existential despair, wondering if she’ll ever fit in.
Cue the arrival of Gargamel’s henchgirl Vexy (voiced by Christina Ricci), who is a Naughty, or another being Gargamel has created to help him take over the world. Vexy kidnaps Smurfette and takes her to Paris, where Gargamel is now a famous magician thanks to all the Smurf essence he stole—but if he wants to continue being successful, he’s going to need more of the stuff. And that’s where Smurfette comes in: If Gargamel can convince her that he, as her original father, wants the best for her, then she’ll decide to tell him how to create as much Smurf essence as he wants, allowing him to take over the world! Because being a rich and famous wizard-turned-magician isn’t enough.
So that’s where the rest of the Smurfs come in. Papa Smurf brings along backup in the forms of Vanity (voiced by John Oliver, of “The Smurfs”), Clumsy (voiced by Anton Yelchin, of “Star Trek Into Darkness,” “The Pirates! Band of Misfits,” “Fright Night,” and “The Smurfs”) and Grouchy (voiced by George Lopez, of “Escape from Planet Earth,” “The Smurfs,” and “Rio”); meets up with human friends Patrick (voiced by Neil Patrick Harris, of “American Reunion,” “The Smurfs,” and “Beastly”), his wife Grace (voiced by Jayma Mays, of “The Smurfs”), and his estranged stepfather Victor (voiced by Brendan Gleeson, of “The Pirates! Band of Misfits,” “The Raven,” and “Safe House”); and decides to rescue Smurfette. Will she choose her “real” father or her adopted family? A man who wants to incite “Smurf-a-geddon” or someone who doles out benevolent advice like “It’s not where you come from … it’s who you choose to be.” I wonder, I wonder.
This summer has been full of children’s movies about the role of family in identity and who you choose to surround yourself with (the friendship between Mike and Sully in “Monsters University,” or Theo and his brother Chet in “Turbo,” or Gru and his adopted daughters in “Despicable Me 2” all come to mind), but none of them were as inconsistent in their tone or messaging as “The Smurfs 2.” The relationship between fathers and children is all over this movie, but in weird ways—Smurfette is easily conned by Gargamel’s gifts, but he has no problems telling Vexy that he plans on killing her after turning her into a Smurf and stealing her essence. Victor was an absent father, but he is game enough to accompany Patrick and Grace—and even turn into a duck—during their journey to save the Smurfs together. There’s a sense that the five screenwriters attached to this project (yes, five) are trying so hard to explain to children that adopted families or stepfathers or whoever else are just “as good as,” or perhaps even “better,” than biological parents that they discredit those relationships entirely. Choose your family, the film suggests, but your mother and father don’t matter all that much. … What?!
And, of course, the film is inundated with stupid bathroom humor, with Smurfs getting caught in the behinds of characters, or farting in the faces of villains, or talking about their private parts, all for kids’ laughs. At the same time, though, they’re also tortured and starved and faced quite often with the threat of death. It’s a jarring juxtaposition, peppered in with product placement for tablets and other technology kids shouldn’t want at this young of an age, and indicative of how “The Smurfs 2” is pandering and discrediting its audience with a false promise of nostalgia. If this is what updating classic cartoons looks like, please, Hollywood, stop doing it.
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