Momsplaining 101 — One Moore Thing

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Happy almost summer kids! So fun! So exciting! Such a lovely and lengthy three months ahead of us all. And your moms are definitely looking forward to (most) of it.

Here’s the thing though: there is a secret to making summer as happy as possible for you and as sane as possible for her: listen to her. Yes. That really is it. Because as a mom I realize that a lot of what we say can get lost in translation, here is a quick guide so you know exactly what she means so you know exactly what to do (or not to do). It’s as simple as that.

Here is your crash course in summer survival: Momsplaining 101.

What she says: “We will see.”
What she means: Not going to happen. I already forgot what you asked for.

What she says: “Don’t make me count to three.”
What she means: Seriously kid, why are you making me count AGAIN. I don’t want to count. You don’t want to hear me count. If I get to two I suggest you IMMEDIATELY stop whatever you were doing two seconds ago.

What she says: “I’m going to take a shower.”
What she means: Don’t follow me. Don’t talk to me. Don’t come in in two minutes to tell me that your brother keeps looking at you. I need this hot water and a moment of peace more than anything else I’ve ever needed before in my life.

What she says: “I’m losing my mind.”
What she means: I’ve already lost it. On a scale of 1 to 10 code red evaluation level, this is an 11. This is a really good time to go play outside.

What she says: “I could really use your help.”
What she means: You are great and everything but you’d be a whole lot cooler if you could clean up after yourself and did the laundry. There’s only 16 more loads to go. Why do you all use so many towels? And no more clothes changing in a day. Scratch that. Please wear your clothes for a minimum of three days in a row.

What she says: “I have to get some work done first before we do something fun.”
What she means: I’d rather do something fun too. But those fun things cost money. Like a ridiculous amount of money. Have you seen the prices at Disney World? Actually have you seen the prices at the grocery store? Your snack eating is killing me smalls. Momma has to get paid to make some magic happen otherwise the only vacation we are going to have this summer is going to the dollar section at Target.

What she says: “Maybe.”
What she means: Maybe not. Maybe yes. Maybe if you helped with that laundry we could maybe do something fun. Never can tell. This is mom-ing in the all powerful boss mode.

What she says: “I need you to listen to me.”
What she means: Child. I swear you can hear me when I ask you if you want candy so listen to me now when I ask you to stop hitting your brother if you ever want to trick or treat again.

What she says: “Wow. I’m turning into my mother.”
What she means: This is a slippery slope. There are pros and cons to this one. Best to give her a hug and tell her that she’s pretty.

What she says: “You are my whole world. I love you more than anything.”
What she means: You are my whole world. I love you more than anything.

And there you have it: the basics. And one more secret, if you listen to her, when she says that she doesn’t want summer to end, she’s going to mean it (98% of it).

Katie’s essay and tangent collection about motherhood, life and imperfection, Happy Broken Crayons is available on Amazon now. Thank you for reading. You are the (queen) bees knees. Happy happy holidays and happy happy new year to you. In setting your hopes for 2018, please think about your word. I can’t wait to hear it. Xoxo

To read more blogs by Katie Moore click here.

MooreFam SKatie Yackley Moore is a freelance writer, real estate agent, yoga instructor and a momma of four navigating life and a separation and finding herself in the process. She adores coffee shops, laughing until it hurts and impromptu dance parties. Her work has appeared on Scary Mommy, Mamalode and HuffPost Parents. She has published a journal entitled "Dream a Bigger Dream" and the children's books "You Are a Warrior" and "We are Family" and just finished her first novel. Catch up with her between tea breaks at The Naked Momma and on Facebook.

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