“We need to find you again,” my therapist recently said to me. I was given a homework assignment to write about who I was.
The timing was perfect. I was preparing to leave for a cruise to paradise with only a girlfriend of mine and a suitcase filled with bathing suits, unread books and unworn clothes from my closet that have always been reserved for “someday.”
The trip was pure, glorious bliss.
Note to self: it is always easier to find who you are when you have no cell reception on a hammock filled adult only beach in the Dominican Republic when a gentleman named Emilio brings you unlimited pina coladas with a side of the freshest ceviche you’ve ever tasted. Note to mommas: tropical escapes for a few days should be the required homework of motherhood. And before you start to say “I can’t,” I want you to change that mindset to “I can’t yet… but one day I will.” I was in an I can’t space for years. Hell even a few months ago I was in trenches with no soon sign of getting out. But by the luck of the goddesses, I won this cruise through my work (I’m a realtor, a job that I deeply love and this cruise was given at the holiday party of a title company that we frequently use, Home First Title that I also deeply love now more than ever). I was going to wait a year to take it as if I had to really earn that time or to justify it by deserving it more down the road. Ever notice how we do that? How we don’t think we deserve time or space or sunshine or pina coladas no matter what kind of wild we have endured? Luckily my mom said, “Don’t wait. You do deserve it. Go now and go again next year. I’ve got your kids. Just go.” Moms are the greatest humans ever.
Taking time for ourselves and practicing self-care is not just an option, it is essential to your well-being. You deserve it. You are worth it. You will come back tired but so much more awake and maybe even have some tan lines in February. Your children deserve your best you. You deserve your best you.
And you may even find you again.
This is who I found:
I am stitched pieces of ocean water, pitch black tea and late night conversations. I am happiest in extremes, smiling too big, feeling too fiercely, being blanketed in too bright sunlight and straining to write in dimly lit coffee shops. I thrive on deeper conversations, ink stained journals and deadlines. I am fueled by the tight hugs of my girlfriends and the laughter of my children. I would rather take up more space in the world and to see all of its edges than to have more space to fill in a home. I am alive. I am all in. I am not broken and I am built on more than shards of unfulfilled hopes. I am at peace in writing new chapters and not fitting into anyone’s cage of who I am supposed to be. I am redefining this life on my own two heels. And one day I know that the sea will call me home.
Here’s to finding paradise.
Here’s to finding you.
Katie’s essay and tangent collection about motherhood, life and imperfection, Happy Broken Crayons is available on Amazon now. Thank you for reading. You are the (queen) bees knees. Happy happy holidays and happy happy new year to you. In setting your hopes for 2018, please think about your word. I can’t wait to hear it. Xoxo
To read more blogs by Katie Moore click here.
Katie Yackley Moore is a freelance writer, yoga instructor and a momma of four navigating life and a separation and finding herself in the process. She adores coffee shops, laughing until it hurts and impromptu dance parties. Her work has appeared on Scary Mommy, Mamalode and HuffPost Parents. She has published a journal entitled “Dream a Bigger Dream” and the children’s books “You Are a Warrior” and “We are Family” and just finished her first novel. Catch up with her between tea breaks at The Naked Momma and on Facebook.