Seeing relatives around the holidays can be difficult for children if their grandparent or another relative has Alzheimer’s disease. What once was an occasion for a happy reunion could leave children feeling hurt or confused if a loved one does not seem to remember them.
Talking to kids about Alzheimer’s disease can help, but there are a lot of complicated emotions involved, and children, or even parents, might not understand the disease itself.
Even though the subject matter is challenging, talking to children about what to expect and giving them space to express their feelings is important. The Alzheimer’s Association advises parents to prepare for this conversation by learning more about the disease and about how their children might react to the news.
Marlyn Massey, the diversity and inclusion program manager for the Alzheimer’s Association, shares guidance for parents as they prepare to talk to their children about Alzheimer’s disease.
When should parents talk to their children about a loved one’s Alzheimer’s disease diagnosis?
Parents would want to have that conversation with their children as soon as possible. You want your child to know and be prepared.
What kinds of questions do children ask about Alzheimer’s disease?
Children are going to have questions, so we want the parents, the grandparents and the teachers to be honest. Answering questions openly and honestly— that’s No. 1.
We want to encourage a child who is learning about dementia (Alzheimer’s is a type of dementia) to ask questions and not be afraid to verbalize what they see and what they’re feeling.
At the Alzheimer’s Association, we provide some suggested answers to questions that a child may ask:
1. What is Alzheimer’s disease?
Alzheimer’s is not just memory loss. It’s a disease that affects how the brain works and how a person thinks over time. It also changes the way a person’s body functions.
2. Why does the person who has the diagnosis keep calling me by another person’s name?
Changes inside that person’s brain make it difficult for them to remember things like your name. Assure the child that this is [not] anyone’s fault. Let the child know that they may remind their loved one of their parent or relative at that age and to try not to correct them, as that might confuse their loved one.
3. How can I help?
Simply being there can show you care. Even if communication is difficult, love and kindness can be felt in the moment.
4. Will my loved one get better?
Your loved one will have both good and bad days. There are new treatments, and it can help some people in the early stages of this disease. There isn’t a cure for Alzheimer’s right now, but scientists are still working really hard to find one.
Tip: If your child has a question and you aren’t sure how to answer it at their age level, you can seek guidance from a children’s mental health professional or visit alz.org to find videos to watch with children and children’s books about Alzheimer’s.
What kinds of feelings or reactions can parents expect when talking to their children about a loved one having Alzheimer’s disease?
How kids will react to learning about their loved one’s condition will vary and depend on their age, but these are some of the more common feelings they may experience:
Kids may be curious about how people get dementia; they may worry that their parents will develop the disease. Kids may also be afraid or confused about why their loved one is behaving differently or changing. Older kids might feel embarrassed to have friends or visitors to the house. Children can also experience guilt for getting angry or being short tempered with the person who has Alzheimer’s disease.
Kids may also exhibit their emotions in ways that might not be easily recognized—they could begin performing poorly in school, spend more time away from home, stop inviting friends to the house or express physical pain such as headaches or stomachaches.
Responses have been edited for length and clarity.
