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HomeBlogOne Moore ThingI Just Want To Make A Salad — One Moore Thing

I Just Want To Make A Salad — One Moore Thing

If I had to describe motherhood in two words it would be glorious and consuming.

It is the embodiment of so many emotions heightened at the same time. It is heart hatching beautiful and soul squeezing hard. It is so much yearning to freeze time in the beautiful, to hold in the pause of all of the best moments. It is so much wanting to fast forward to bed time through all of the wild and the challenging. Sometimes it is all just so pure. Sometimes it just aches and burns. It is being in awe of this brilliant little human and overwhelmed by the luck that they were born to you and sometimes questioning where they came from when they act in a way that is unrecognizable. The meltdowns, the way they turn into wild animals in a grocery store, the loud, the running, the screaming, the tears, the way that they get that look in their eye when they want to hurt their younger brother, the backtalk, the way the teenager rolls her eyes when you talk to her, the constant of it all. The things that when you look back on in this motherhood journey we gloss over because the other stuff is so much better.

Recently I was having the type of parenting and work day that was just demanding in all directions. As a realtor and a writer, I often work from home which is amazing because I can work with my kids around and is insanely challenging for the exact same reason. The guilt levels were running high and there just wasn’t enough of me to go around. Deadlines loomed. Child tension loomed louder. My two sons were fighting approximately every seven seconds and the word Mom echoed on repeat every chance that I thought I was in the clear to return to my desk. And then it was dinner time, otherwise known as one of the seven circles of hell in parenting. Sometimes it is bliss- your kids actually all like what you are preparing, everyone is getting along, homework is finished, my work for the day feels almost complete, we aren’t yet running late for that evening’s practice, four loads of laundry are not residing on my couch and the “A Star is Born” soundtrack is playing in the background. I’m able to think full thoughts, and stay focused, a rare stunning ecstasy.

This particular evening however, all of the opposite things were happening.

The teenager was being extra teenage like, everyone hated everything I was making for dinner, homework and all of the work for the day weren’t even close to being finished, my 9 year old daughter had “Baby Shark” playing on repeat and the boys were on a mission to draw blood and tears from one another, I already disciplined everyone 17 times in 17 minutes, we were already late for everything in our lives and all I wanted to do was make a salad. And then in the next room I heard an extra dramatic “Ow!” followed by extra loud crying and I lost it. I yelled at my older son, the usual instigator and frequent back talker with a pent up rage I don’t even know how long I had been carrying.

And then I yelled, “I JUST WANT TO MAKE A STUPID EFFING SALAD!”

I could feel my eyes pulsing. Both boys looked at me wide eyed and afraid. They said it was an accident and it was no one’s fault. They were sorry. I took a breath and closed my eyes to slow the pulsing. I said I know. I was sorry too.

The thing is, I explained to them for the last fourteen years, I have been trying to make a salad. It has always been something literally from the moment my daughter was born. As a baby she was afraid of the vacuum and I remember thinking “I just want to vacuum.” It evolves to so many things in motherhood: I just want to sleep/think/breathe/cook/clean/take a shower/work/make money/have someone, anyone listen to me. I told them imagine having to repeat yourself almost every single day for over a decade. Brush your teeth/take a shower/don’t hurt your brother/your clothing is not a napkin/do your homework/do your chores/say please/say thank you/say you are sorry/love your family even when we are really loud.

And the thing is, it is never really about the salad.

A dear friend of mine recently said to me, “I just sometimes want to go in the woods and scream at the top of my lungs.” And I said, “DO IT.” The problem isn’t the screaming in the woods, the problem is our holding our screams inside and thinking there is something wrong with us for feeling human.

We hold ourselves to unreasonable ridiculously perfect expectations. Social media has us living in a mirage of the unrealistic. The image of the having it all figured out and how shiny and pretty it all looks. The perfectly clean houses and the perfectly clean well mannered children. In a forum that is supposed to bring us closer together can cause a dangerous, isolating divide and unhealthy, unnecessary competition. The real picture of the truth of motherhood is completely different. It is the never enough. The constant pull. The demands in different directions. The feeling of not doing a good enough job. Ever. The multi tasking that feels like you are letting someone down at all times. The choosing the what is the most important at that time and questioning if you are making the right choice.

And somehow in the give and take, somehow it gets done. We show up. We repeat. Sometimes we choose to fold the laundry. Sometimes we choose to let it go and curl up with our kids on the couch. We carry our guilt in a hopeful light load and we keep carrying on. We love our children fiercely and we know that we are so lucky that they were born to us, even through the challenges, in our shaping them, they have shaped our strength.

Keep carrying on mommas. It is a thankless job but my God, you are doing great. Even if you lose it sometimes, you are not alone, especially between the hours of 5 and 7 pm. And when they lose it on you, know that you are not alone there either. Your children know that you are the constant in their lives. And that is priceless. Absorb. Embrace. Scream in the woods. Talk to your girlfriends about the hard. Release. Move forward. Own your truths. Hold your children. Do your best. And order takeout when you need to.

Katie has a new book out that is a collection of quotes and mic drops to embrace your inner warrior. “Girl Power” is available now on Amazon and is the perfect gift for all the warriors in your world. You can find out more details and book signing info on her instagram @katieyackleymoore. Endless thanks for reading. Xo

To read more blogs by Katie Moore click here.

MooreFam SKatie Yackley Moore is a freelance writer, real estate agent, yoga instructor and a momma of four navigating life and a separation and finding herself in the process. She adores coffee shops, laughing until it hurts and impromptu dance parties. Her work has appeared on Scary Mommy, Mamalode and HuffPost Parents. She has published a journal entitled “Dream a Bigger Dream” and the children’s books “You Are a Warrior” and “We are Family” and just finished her first novel. Catch up with her between tea breaks at The Naked Momma and on Facebook.

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