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If only — Mommy Daze

IfOnlyIf only you knew how many times I sat outside your room, face in my hands, crying.

If only you knew how many times I wish I could reach into the air and grab the words that just left my mouth before they reached your ears.

If only you knew how much I pray for patience, grace, understanding (probably not enough).

If only you knew how much I wish I was the mom I always wanted to be; kind, quiet, gentle. Oh how I want to be that in your life.

If only you knew how much my heart hurts like it’s never hurt before when I see your little face fall, because of something I said or did.

If only you knew the raw passionate fury that is ignited in me when I see someone else do you wrong.

If only you knew how incredibly happy and how incredibly angry you can make me.

How is that possible? No person has ever had this effect on me before. How is it that I can mask my emotions with countless adults who have done so much worse to me, yet with you, I can’t hide a thing? You are my red-headed kryptonite. Somehow, I am made weaker and yet stronger just by your presence.

If only you knew how much you make me want to be a better person, every day, every minute. If only you knew how much I love you.

Click here to read more Mommy Daze.


Mandy Watts is a stay-at-home mom who lives in Crownsville with her husband, Justin, who runs their family business, and their two sons, 2-year-old James and almost 1-year-old Luke.

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