Dear Dr. Debbie,
My almost two-year-old has a habit of tucking her toys and other odd things (her sock, a measuring spoon) into odd places as she follows me around the house. She’ll also use containers such as an old shoulder bag of mine to collect and carry such items, which I then have to put away when she’s asleep.
Is this a symptom of whatever causes hoarding behavior in an adult? Can we redirect her while she’s still little?
Hoarder’s Mom
Dear H.M,
For a two-year-old, this behavior is within the realm of normal. An older child, or an adult, is considered a “hoarder” if the objects clutter up space to the point that it interferes with daily living. Since you are still exerting control over the objects by putting them away later, your child’s actions aren’t impeding her functioning nor that of other members of the family.
The Meaning of Things
A child of this age easily forms momentary attachments to objects. She is still absorbed with learning about the objects in her world, and some hold more fascination than others (and handily fit in her hand or your old shoulder bag.) A sock, for example, may represent her pride in being able to take socks off by herself and perhaps put them on as well. Think of it as being similar to a certificate of achievement or diploma you have hanging on a wall that reminds you of a proud accomplishment.
Since she is still very much a concrete thinker, the items with special meaning need to be held or stashed for easy access. As an analogy, you may have a treasured object such as a photo or trophy that is in safe keeping at your parents’ home. You certainly don’t need to carry it around with you because, as an adult, you have a solid mental image of the object and know that you will see it again at your next visit home. Its meaning, however, stays close to your heart no matter how far away you are from it.
Transition Objects
As she follows you from room to room your toddler may take an object with her as a tangible connection to the last room she was in. The measuring spoon goes with her from the kitchen to the next room so that she’s not completely leaving the kitchen behind. It’s like a souvenir.
A young child often has trouble letting go of being in one place when they have to physically go to another place. Maybe you’ve experienced this when it’s time for her to leave from a visit to the children’s museum! Some children have one object, such as a stuffed animal or a small blanket that goes everywhere with them, including accompanying them to dreamland at naptime and bedtime. This is perfectly age appropriate and generally diminishes with the awareness that other children aren’t carrying such “loveys” around with them by age four. Letting go of “transition objects” goes along with the growing confidence that she can get her needs taken care of wherever she goes. Increasing verbal skills and motor skills, a reliable group of trusted caregivers beyond her parents, and predictable daily routines all contribute to this self-confidence over time.
Save for Later
Wanting to stay in a fun place is similar to trying to keep a connection to a fun activity. Your child may be trying to stash the object that she was having fun with in a convenient place so she can soon resume playing with it later. For some objects this makes more sense than for others. One problem is that her thought process tends to be erratic at times and she may completely forget where something has been stashed. If she forgets where she hid the tv remote, that’s not fun for anyone. This should be an object that is kept out of her reach.
If, however, she’s having fun with her blocks, you might help her with the guarantee of returning to this activity after her nap by letting her take one block to her bedroom to remind you both that she would probably like to resume block play when she wakes up. Even if she changes her mind, this action teaches her a good way to remember her thoughts and that Mommy is an ally to help her with that. She needn’t tuck her plans away in secret because she can count on you to help her remember what she wants to do.
Marking Territory
It’s possible that the habit of stashing objects that hold meaning for her around your home is a way of “leaving her mark” so to speak. She’s claiming part-ownership of the territory in which she and you spend a lot of time.
This is a harmless action unless the object is food that may rot. To prevent edible treasures from composting under a couch cushion, help your daughter express her ownership in other tangible ways. Let her choose which picture books live in the living room. Hang her artwork on the refrigerator. Have her pick the color for your next painting project around the house, even it’s just a shelf for the snow boots. In other words, affirm in ways she can clearly see that this is her home and that she belongs in it.
Find ways to let your daughter have control over some of the objects in her world. While true hoarding has complex causes, including traumatic losses, a toddler’s affinity for collecting and stashing objects is no cause for alarm.
Dr. Debbie
Write to Dr. Debbie! Please include age(s) of your child(ren) and other details about the situation or concern.
Deborah Wood, Ph.D. is a child development specialist and founding director of Chesapeake Children’s Museum, located at 25 Silopanna Road in Annapolis.
The museum is open daily from 10 am to 4 pm. Online reservations are available or call: 410-990-1993. Each Thursday there is a guided nature walk at 10:30 am. Art and Story Times with Mrs. Spears and Puppy the Puppet are on Monday mornings at 10:30 am.
