Dear Dr. Debbie,
After two months of motherhood I went with my sister to see a play. All my husband had to do was stay home with the sleeping baby, and possibly give him a bottle if he woke up. Sure, no problem, he said. You deserve an evening out.
Long story short, the baby spiked a fever and Daddy had to drive to the emergency room. He says never leave him alone with the baby again. (All is well with the baby, thankfully.)
Barred Forever From Time Off
Dear B.F.F.T.O.,
New mothers do indeed deserve a break. An evening at the theater with your sister is a reasonable request after two months of exhaustive infant care.
Daddy might come around to rethinking his fatherhood and spousal responsibilities if you can work together on emergency readiness. Emergencies can happen at any time to anyone.
Shared Parenting
Schedule your “well-baby” appointments at the pediatric office to accommodate your husband’s availability. These visits not only monitor development and general health, they are foundational to developing a good relationship with the pediatric office. Medical professionals can provide printed, local, and online resources pertinent to new parents. Sharing these appointments also lays the foundation for Mom and Dad to work as partners in parenting.
Well-baby check-ups should be coming up at 4, 6, 9, and 12 months. Routine visits at these tender ages track weight, length, and head circumference to ensure healthy development. The medical professionals can also address any concerns about feeding, sleeping, and behavioral milestones.
Find a good time to share a conversation with your parenting partner about what he envisions his role in the family to be. Maybe his own father didn’t spend much time with him. What other fathers come to mind – either from his growing up years or his contemporaries? While there are many cases of single mothers producing exemplary children, research reported on by Melissa S. Kearny in her book The Two-Parent Privilege suggests that involved dads are important. Much has changed over the generations to normalize an active role in parenting for fathers.
Handy Phone Numbers
Your pediatric office can assure you that medical advice is only a phone call away, 24 hours a day. If for some reason they don’t provide this service themselves, a Nurse Advice Line is available from Luminis Health Anne Arundel Medical Center at 443-481-4000. A nurse will assess symptoms and help determine if you need to visit the emergency room, urgent care, or stay home. This hospital in Annapolis, like some others, has a special emergency room just for children.
The national hotline for Poison Control is a good number to key into your phone: 800-222-1222. Immediate help starts with a phone call. Your call will be directed to a local call center. In a few months your little one will be mobile and tiny objects and poisons may find their way into tiny hands and his mouth. Get in the habit NOW of keeping all medicines out of reach and out of sight. Secure cleaning products with cabinet latches. Be alert when using button batteries since they are comprised of hazardous chemicals.
Of course, 9-1-1 is a good all-around emergency number to commit to memory. When you place a call, be ready to categorize your emergency as “Police”, “Fire”, or “Medical Services” and give your address. Because emergencies can be stressful, it’s not a bad idea to post your address in a prominent place. See that any babysitter – even if that’s your sister – adds it to your contact information for quick reference. Text-to-911 service is available if talking on the phone isn’t possible.
Helpful Neighbors
It’s generally a good idea to maintain friendly relationships with neighbors. Know their regular rhythms – who’s home during weekdays, who stays up late, and who might also have young children. Take note if any of your neighbors is a medical professional or has other relevant expertise.
My four-year-old and I had been enjoying cracking and eating peanuts – an excellent fine motor activity, which we were careful not to do in front of the one-year-old since her lack of molars made peanuts a choke hazard for her. Hearing her waking up from her nap, we quickly cleaned up our mess. Apparently, we were not thorough. A short while later, the toddler was following the dog under the dining room table, careful to duck her head, but she stumbled anyway on the carpet. She picked herself up and began to cry – ordinary behavior in the life of a toddler – and just as ordinarily I knelt down so she could tell me about her troubles with gravity.
I was shocked to see a spout of blood coming from her forehead. Just as shocking, a fragment of peanut shell was swept out with the stream. I grabbed her, grabbed a paper towel, grabbed the phone (parents of toddlers have three hands) and prayed that the nurse next door was home. Thankfully she was and we rushed over. The dear neighbor, mother of four, calmly wiped off the bloody face as she told my daughter that there are many tiny blood vessels in the face and scalp. (I knew that, didn’t I?) The bleeding soon stopped with direct pressure. This is Basic First Aid. I had had Basic First Aid, at least three times. However, my child’s blood, coupled with the irregular sleep I had been getting, prevented a calm, trained reaction. Hooray for a good neighbor!
Parental Consent
Whether or not your husband gets confidant in being the only parent at home, there will be a time when you will arrange for an entrusted babysitter. He or she may be on duty for the next emergency so prepare a babysitter checklist to include your address and phone number, and emergency numbers (above) including any helpful neighbors.
Create an Emergency Consent form. This helps to move things along for the caregiver if they have to take your child to the doctor’s office or the hospital. Otherwise services will be delayed until you or Daddy can arrive.
As legendary football coach, Vince Lombardi said, “Preparedness is the ultimate confidence builder.”
Dr. Debbie
Write your question to Dr. Debbie! Please include age(s) of your child(ren) and other details about the situation or concern.
Deborah Wood, Ph.D. is a child development specialist and founding director of Chesapeake Children’s Museum, located at 25 Silopanna Road in Annapolis. Online reservations are available or call: 410-990-1993. Walk-ins are welcome. There is a Nature Walk on Thursdays at 10:30 am. Art and Story Time with Mrs. Spears and Puppy the Puppet is on Mondays at 10:30 am. On Saturday, May 9, children ages 5-11 can participate in an Animal Party from 3:30-5:30 pm. Girl Scouts will complete badge requirements for: Animal Observer, Pets, or Animal Habitats.
