Dear Dr. Debbie,
Our six-year-old was formally diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder. Before we go the route of medication, what are your tips for helping him at school and at home? His teacher seems to like him but acknowledges there are frustrations during the day – for him and for her.
Parents Have It, Too
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Dear PHIT,
As you may be well aware, people who are living with ADD can have a wide range of experiences with it. Also, the condition may present changing symptoms over a lifetime. The individual himself, and those in his immediate circle, can certainly experience frustrations with the associated limitations and behaviors that typically go along with this disorder.
Following are some basic strategies to address the common idiosyncrasies of the condition so that life is less stressful for everyone.
It’s hard to listen to directions and to wait for a turn in a conversation.
Accompany verbal directions with written directions (add pictures while he’s still a beginning reader.) He can refer back to this without bothering the adult.
Frequently give him attention for his rapid-fire thoughts. Remind him during times when this isn’t possible that you will have some time soon to give him all your attention, then make good on your promise.
Match him up with audiences or outlets for his abundant flow of thoughts. If he doesn’t yet have one, make it a goal to find him a friend who is a quiet good listener. When the friend isn’t around, he could use dolls to verbalize animated conversations between himself and himself. He might direct his active mental energy toward writing poetry, songs, or short stories to share with specific audiences. (Maybe Grandma would love to hear his work over a Zoom call!). Let him play with a recording device to capture his verbal / musical compositions.
Help him find a hobby or profession in which he is the center of rapt attention – acting, music, magic, comedy, teaching.
Needs reminders for routine tasks as well as (even moderately) complex instructions.
Post written words and simple pictures in places where otherwise you’d have to stand over him pestering him to do a task. For example, post, “Sing the happy birthday song while you wash your hands” (with a picture of a birthday cake) by all the sinks he uses.
Break instructions down into small pieces, and rephrase them a few times, asking for confirmation of understanding. For example, after informing him that it’s laundry day, inform him that you will be collecting dirty laundry from his bedroom. Start with the first category, “I’ll need all the underwear first, then I’ll be back for jeans.” As you go around collecting underwear from other locations, pop in to his room to re-announce that underwear will be your first collection. Then return soon after with what you’ve already collected so he has the visual cue for what you need from him. Check if he remembers what to gather next. If he doesn’t, get him started with a piece or two.
Misses details when doing tasks including homework and chores.
A written checklist can help him track his progress toward getting to the end of an assignment. His usual way of doing “boring” tasks is probably to rush through to get to the end. Thinking of all the mini-tasks within the overall task is a step that is difficult for him. If you guide him through childhood to “make a list” he will hopefully take this trick with him into adulthood.
The adult example is, “buy groceries needed to cook dinner for the in-laws”. A shopping list for someone with ADD has to have specific sections for “salad ingredients”, “soup ingredients”, etc. or something will surely be missed. (Some adults with ADD take advantage of ready-made shopping lists that are available online – with categories and common items to simply check off.)
Depending on the amount of time available, you can help to break a task into chunks between breaks to do more pleasant things. For example, do 3 or 4 math problems then go for a walk around the block. Do 4 more then get a snack. This way he only has to focus on a very short task for just a few minutes. (It might further help if you re-write the math assignment so that there is only one problem on a page.)
Focus wanders among unconnected thoughts.
Experiment with various background distractions versus no distractions at all. Some people with ADD work very well with music or television coming into the same headspace as their work. The experience is described as “I am aware of the music (or tv show) but I know it doesn’t really need anything from me. So my mind goes easily back to the work I have to do.”
Some students do better in pairs than alone for completing assignments. A partner can be quietly chatted with as the two of them go about tackling the assignment, but hopefully the partner repeatedly leads the student with ADD back to the job.
Keep a notepad for those competing thoughts that are taking focus away from the task at hand. In adult meetings this is referred to as “the parking lot”. The thoughts may be important, but aren’t the most important thought at the present moment. So we write it down as a reminder to get back to it later.
Often misplaces items.
Structure the environment so that each area of the home and classroom is clearly defined. For example, everything he needs to use in the bathroom is, well, in the bathroom. This includes bath toys, towels, hairbrush, etc. And shoes, eyeglasses, etc. have one and only one place to be when not in use.
As much as possible, his adults should keep his physical environment streamlined and unchanging. Too much clutter, and frequent redecorating or shifting things around, can add an overwhelming amount of information to his visual field. He can’t possibly pick out his blue binder that’s right there on the coffee table when there’s a new blue polka dot rug on the floor and a new vase of blue and yellow flowers on the table.
Make it a routine to check for everything that needs to be in the backpack in the evening – not so late that he’s too tired to do this. A well-timed routine can spare everyone of the panic that occurs when something that can’t be found is needed “right now!” You should also limit what he takes with him when he goes out to make it easier for him to remember to bring it all back home.
Since it is likely that ADD will be part of his life forever more, his parents and teachers should use their focused attention to work with him now to learn to live with it.
Dr. Debbie
Deborah Wood, Ph.D. is a child development specialist and founding director of Chesapeake Children’s Museum.
The museum is open daily from 10 am to 4 pm. Online reservations are available or call: 410-990-1993. Each Thursday there is a guided nature walk at 10:30 am. Art and Story Times are on Monday mornings at 10:30 am.
The museum is having a Harvest Hootenanny on Sunday, October 29. Running Springs Farm will set up a petting zoo from 10 am to 1 pm. The Ebony Hillbillies, a string band ensemble that “creates an untamed and joyful vibe that echoes across the generations and transcends all racial and cultural boundaries” will perform at 11 am and 2 pm. The event is free thanks to a grant from the Arts Council of Anne Arundel County.
Read more of Dr. Wood’s Good Parenting columns by clicking here.
