Dear Dr. Debbie,
My three-year-old already had a fear of masks, and now medical masks, bandanas, and other face coverings are popping up everywhere.
We were outside playing when he saw a neighbor wearing a scarf to cover her nose and mouth as she accepted a delivery. When she saw us she waved. My son screamed and jumped in my arms.
Since the Stay at Home order, we’ve been doing just that. But at some point, he may have to be closer to a mask-wearing person than just the next yard over. It might even be me.
Changing Our Visual Identification Dramatically
Dear COVID,
One of the natural fears that a child can have is a fear of an unusual or distorted face. This could include a beard, a scar, or the protective gear that firefighters wear. A costumed character might delight most children, however, this can provoke a panic for some. (How many adults do you know who still harbor a fear of clowns?) At age three, it is fairly common for a child to dislike seeing part of a face covered. One explanation is that at this age he is carefully observing the faces of people around him for emotional clues. A happy face lets him know everything is okay. A stern face causes him concern for what might happen next. A face that is partially covered gives no information to let him know whether he is safe or in danger. Unfortunately the chance for danger seems more likely to a young child. This is the same childish logic that explains why he is afraid when the lights are out even though nothing else in his bedroom is changed. It’s a fear of the unseen / unknown / unpredictable.
Can you relate? We are working through the COVID-19 pandemic one day at a time.
As of April 3, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends wearing a cotton face covering in public places where you may be close to people. The purpose is to obstruct any infectious droplets in your breath from being released into a shared air space. This virus is contagious even if a person has no symptoms of illness. Wearing a mask, therefore, protects the people around you.
Give your son a calm and simple explanation for the purpose of a face covering, which goes along with the other preventive measures you are already practicing. You have probably upped your game for hand-washing, in addition to cutting off physical contact with people not living in your home. Start with, “There are germs that we can’t see that can make people sick. Germs are on our hands and on things that other hands have touched. Germs live in our noses and mouths.” Over the past three years he has probably caught on to the practice of not sharing tissues nor toothbrushes, even if he’s never seen a germ. If you are consistent with the message about germs, and your expectation that he will comply with preventive measures, he is more likely to tolerate the added measure of face coverings to prevent germs from being in the air.
Use pretend play to help him get him used to this new hygiene habit. Tie a scarf or bandana on the face of a baby doll or stuffed animal and play out the scene your son saw with the neighbor’s delivery. As the delivery person, comment on how you appreciate your customer’s consideration of wearing a face covering. Repeat with several deliveries. Depending on how well your son is accepting this strange new practice, you may decide aloud, as the delivery person, that you will put on a face covering yourself. If he is showing strong anxiety about your face being covered, drop the make-believe for now and turn back into his comforting and reassuring Mommy. Later, play a modified version of peek-a-boo, with him controlling the scarf over your face, to help him prepare for seeing you cover your face. Then try acting out the story again with the delivery person deciding to cover her face to prevent spreading germs. Following success with the delivery scene, act out a scene in which you play yourself getting ready to go grocery shopping –complete with deciding which scarf to wear because that’s how we do it now.
There is a possibility that even as the Stay at Home order is loosened or lifted, face coverings will continue in public spaces. If there will be an occasion in which your son will be in close contact with others wearing masks, and having to wear one himself, rehearse the scene with him several times at home before it happens.
Help your son take control of his fear with information and support. And don’t forget a dose of compassion. It’s his first pandemic, too.
Dr. Debbie
Deborah Wood, Ph.D. is a child development specialist with degrees in Early Childhood Education, Counseling, and Human Development. Workshops for parents, teachers, and childcare professionals can be found at: www.drdebbiewood.com.
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What do you think? Email your comments or questions to Dr. Debbie at editor[at]chesapeakefamily.com
