Dear Dr. Debbie,
My little ones, ages 2 and 4, are always needing me. If it’s not “pick me up” or “read to me”, it’s a nose that needs to be wiped or a catastrophe that needs to be averted. This morning the two-year-old managed to climb up on the dining room table (while I was loading the dishwasher) and was actually reaching for the chandelier.
Fortunately, the four-year-old yelled and Daddy looked up from his cell phone in time to spring into action.
Needing Advice
Dear N.A.,
Believe it or not this is not the first toddler I’ve heard of that was ready to audition for the Flying Wallendas on a dining room chandelier. The child’s mother took my advice to sign her up for gymnastics in which she exceled competitively all through school. Now in her thirties, she’s still spinning on parallel bars, just for fun, and her young daughter does flips with her.
Yes, children have needs. An important parenting skill is to anticipate and provide for them.
Physical Needs
Young children need to move. Two-year-olds, as yours demonstrated, love to climb. Four-year-olds are good at running. Both these needs can be satisfied at a good playground. If the weather keeps you indoors, push back some furniture and put on some good dancing music. A carpeted set of stairs can serve as a safe outlet for two-year-old’s climbing needs – with a parent spotting from a few steps below.
One reason young children move so much is that their bodies are compelling them to do so. Their bones are growing. Weight bearing exercise such as running and vigorous dancing (or jumping from a safe height) helps to build strong bones as well as muscles. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends at least 3 hours of moderate to vigorous physical activity every day for toddlers and preschoolers.
Adequate sleep is another essential physical need (11-14 hours for the two-year-old and 10-13 hours for the four-year-old). Use consistent daily routines for happy naps and reassuring bed times.
Nutrition provides for health, growth, and a good mood (see below). Review nutrition basics to assure that the family is getting what it needs from their food. Start early to include children in food preparation and you’ll find that your need to do all the cooking will diminish over time.
Intellectual Needs
Brains are also rapidly growing in early childhood which means children are constantly exploring the world to learn how it works. They don’t need a lot of toys, but you can help to keep things organized and accessible.
The basics are: building blocks (wood, cardboard, or plastic), picture books, toy cars, dolls and stuffed animals, crayons or washable markers and plenty of paper. Dress-up clothes are great to encourage make-believe play, however a plain old piece of fabric can be a cape, a veil, an apron, a blanket, a skirt, or a flying carpet. Carboard boxes also stimulate the imagination to serve many make-believe purposes – a stove, a boat, the counter at a grocery store, or an enclosure for a wild animal. Puzzles can be homemade – cut the front off of an empty cereal box and make a 3-piece puzzle out of it for the two-year-old or an 8-piece puzzle for the four-year-old. Tape the top together to use the rest of the box for the frame.
Language development is part intellectual and part social. Your young children need interesting experiences to think about and to talk about. Your role is to enrich them with new vocabulary words and to encourage their curious questions.
Emotional Needs
Pay attention to children’s moods and respond accordingly. Of course adequate rest, good nutrition, and ample exercise work together to prevent a bad mood in the first place, but children have emotional ups and downs every day.
What makes each of your children sad? Happy? Angry? Scared? Respond appropriately as you help your children become aware of their feelings and learn how to manage them. As you learn the patterns of what causes these feelings you can help to prevent out-of-control emotions which require even more help from you.
Social Needs
Parents are the first social relationship for a child. It’s perfectly natural for young children to need attention from their parents. It’s a survival instinct. It’s possible that your two-year-old was feeling ignored and climbed up to the chandelier knowing that parental attention was sure to follow. If you need to attend to the dishwasher, first read your little one a book! Alternatively, include your children in the chores. This gives them positive attention plus gives them life skills.
Both your children are still young enough to need lots of positive attention from their grown-ups every day. Your friends, neighbors, and extended family members can also provide loving attention to let your children know they are valued.
Regular playmates start to become important by age three as children learn essential skills for copying behavior and then the give and take that is the foundation for all relationships. You’ll play with me longer if I let you take turns.
It may feel like your life is out of balance with the children’s needs being so demanding. This is the phase of parenting that you’re in – mindfully anticipating and meeting your little ones’ needs. Parenting older children is still demanding, but less constant.
Take a tip from Nik Wallenda who is still balancing his way across impossible challenges. Stay focused.
Dr. Debbie
Write your question to Dr. Debbie! Please include age(s) of your child(ren) and other details about the situation or concern.
Deborah Wood, Ph.D. is a child development specialist and founding director of Chesapeake Children’s Museum, located at 25 Silopanna Road in Annapolis. Online reservations are available or call: 410-990-1993. Walk-ins are welcome. Summer Family Memberships to the museum provide unlimited admissions for your family through Labor Day.
There is a Nature Walk on Thursdays at 10:30 am. Art and Story Time with Mrs. Spears and Puppy the Puppet is on Mondays at 10:30 am. Every Wednesday in July CCM hosts Crafternoons from 1-3 pm, with a different theme each week. All materials are provided!
Learn Cursive! Rising 4th, 5th, and 6th graders can master the basics of writing in loops to gain speed in notetaking in a 12-session class on Sunday afternoons starting August 9th.
