Short–and Not That Sweet
By Roxana Hadadi
If you were going to swear off “Jonah Hex” because it’s a testosterone-fueled comic book movie with a sweaty Megan Fox and lots of explosions, that’s understandable. But strangely enough, it’s some of those very qualities – such as the fiery obliteration of cities and numerous gunfights – that make this action flick a guilty pleasure.
Plus, it’s only 80 minutes long, and Fox is only in about 10 of those. So what’s not to like?
The film, which is directed by James Hayward, a former animator for Pixar who worked on films like “Toy Story,” “Toy Story 2” and “Finding Nemo,” is based on the DC Comics character of the same name. In the comics, Jonah Hex is a boy who was sold to the Apache by his father, has his face seared by a tomahawk for breaking a sacred code and becomes a bounty hunter after being accused of betraying his fellow Confederate soldiers by Quentin Turnbull, the father of Jeb, his best friend. Jeb died at the Union soldiers’ hands while Hex lived, causing Quentin to swear revenge and creating a rivalry that would frame most of the comic books’ plots.
In the film, though, this story is a bit tweaked: A Confederate soldier who was adopted into the Crow Indian community after marrying one of their daughters, Hex (Josh Brolin) grows disillusioned with war, especially when his commanding officer – Quentin (John Malkovich) – orders him to help burn down a hospital. Hex refuses, causing Jeb (an uncredited Jeffrey Dean Morgan, who also starred in the DC Comics adaptations “The Losers” and “Watchmen”) to pull a gun on him – but Hex is a surefire shot and kills Jeb. Quentin, wanting Hex to understand the feeling of losing everything he’s ever loved, burns his wife and son to death in front of him and then sears his initials into Hex’s face as an everlasting reminder.
But Hex doesn’t die – in fact, his close brush with death gives him special powers instead and the curse of “knowing the other side.” He can talk to the dead, has a special relationship with crows and a “heart full of vengeance.” When he learns that Quentin isn’t really dead like everyone thought but instead leading a group of anarchy-loving rabble-rousers determined to create a mysterious weapon and wreak havoc upon societies worldwide, Hex is torn: Should he go after the man on his own or join up with the U.S. government, like they so desperately want him to? It’s a tough decision, especially because Hex – whose bounty-hunting career has led him to kill dozens of people and become somewhat of a social misfit – isn’t really the friendly kind.
It eventually becomes clear, however, that Quentin must be stopped. Aided by main henchman Burke (Michael Fassbender), a tattooed Irish guy with a fondness for big knives, Quentin not only steals top-secret plans for a super-weapon but also the glowing balls used to activate it (it’s never explained how they work, but oh well). He also kills tons of people along the way, from blowing up a packed train to dozens of guards. “There are no innocent,” he says before shooting a guy in the face. Make no mistake: Quentin isn’t fooling around, and when he learns of Hex’s relationship with tough prostitute Lilah (Fox), you sure know he’s going to use it to his advantage.
Most of the film’s fun comes from its rapid pace and clear bad guy-good guy dichotomy: Though misanthropic and willing to kill anyone who stands in his way, Hex is deep down a moralistic dude who just wants to avenge his family and finally get closure. And you know that Quentin and Blake mean business when they cackle merrily over the burning bodies of women and children, and because they look the part – Malkovich sports an overgrown hairdo and some paunch for his role, while Fassbender is covered in tattoos. You don’t really need a lineup to figure out whom to root against.
And thankfully, Fox is barely in this flick, despite the heavy use of her scenes in the film’s trailers and commercials; while she shares an implied sex scene with Brolin, she basically just sports cleavage and a few suggestive lines. In fact, the film is far heavier on violence than it is on sexual innuendo: Though there are numerous explosions, the most brutal scenes include a bare-knuckle boxing match featuring a horrifying “snake man” with acid saliva and a “Mummy”-like expandable jaw, rotting corpses that come back to life at Hex’s touch and a surreal, dreamlike intervention between the Crow tribe and Hex. None of it is suitable for children or younger teens, but older kids should be able to handle it.
Much like “The Losers,” another DC Comics film adaptation that came out in April, “Jonah Hex” is a brainlessly perfect summer flick: The action is raging, the girls are pretty and the journey thrilling. It’s not Oscar-worthy or anything, but for an air-conditioned break from the humidity and heat, it’ll do.
Roxana Hadadi also reviewed “Toy Story 3” this week.
Looking to rent something? “When in Rome” is out on DVD.
