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Tuesday, February 7, 2023
HomeBlogPopcorn Parent Movie ReviewsMovie Review: Our Family Wedding (PG-13)

Movie Review: Our Family Wedding (PG-13)

Don’t See This Movie

“Our Family Wedding” is a terrible, terrible movie. There is no reason for you to see this film. At all.

Lucia (America Ferrera) and Marcus (Lance Gross) are in love. And getting married. When they inexplicably travel by train from New York to California…and, hang on. When I say “inexplicably,” I MEAN IT. There is some allusion that Lucia is afraid to fly, so I figured that the Big Declaration of Love would mean she’d have to get on a plane. Nope. There are no train-based hijinks. Seriously, they…take a train. I don’t know why.

Anyway. So they go home to tell their families that they’re getting married. And their dads (Carlos Mencia and Forest Whitaker) don’t like one another because Lucia’s dad (Mencia) towed Marcus’s dad’s (Whitaker) car. And Lucia is Mexican, while Marcus is African-American. But that doesn’t seem to be the reason the families can’t get along (except for Lucia’s grandma, who gets to play racism for comedy because she’s old? Or because she says mean things in Spanish? I guess?); the reason is because both fathers are horrible, unlikable people.

There are about fifteen other storylines in the film, none of which are any good. None of the jokes are any good. There is nothing good about this movie. I saw it at a 2 pm screening; I have to pick up my son from daycare by 5:15. I began to worry that I’d be late, since the film was clearly longer than two hours long. As we moved into yet another stupid stupid stupid stupid scene, I became more and more worried, convinced I’d be really late.

Turns out the movie is 1:43. It just felt like six hours.

In terms of objectionable content, there’s some steamy kissing. There’s one f-bomb (since you can use one and still be PG-13 it seems like every PG-13 movie feels they need one.) Oh, and there’s the entire movie.

I expressly forbid you to see “Our Family Wedding.” If you see this movie, we’re no longer friends. In fact, if you see this movie, I hereby ban you from all Chesapeake Family Events. And being a fan on our Facebook page. And from picking up the magazine. Or using any of our advertisers. Get yourself as far from this “Family” as you can.

Kristen Page-Kirby is the editor of Chesapeake Family Magazine, so she can boss you around like that and will seriously track you down if you see this movie and then show up at an event. She last reviewed “Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief.”

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