This past year has taught me more about myself and the people I surround myself with perhaps more than any other. It has taught me about grit and loyalty and resilience. I have learned that there are people that show up relentlessly. And those who will want front row seats to watch you fail.
I used to want to have a life boat that was overflowing with bodies. Everyone was welcome! The more the merrier! Please bring a friend! No I don’t need space, please bring your dog on board too.
For a while it felt great. Look at all these faces! Look at all these likes! Yes let’s take a selfie! But then… I wondered if I really knew them and if they really knew me. I wondered if we really got beyond a surface level if they would still like what was underneath. And then when I saw spaces of their true self emerge, I wasn’t sure that I wanted to believe in the people that they were behind their masks. There were people drilling holes in my boat and I didn’t want to come to terms in letting them go. It felt safer to let them stay. I spent more time patching holes than I did enjoying being on the ride. I didn’t realize that I was sinking.
Sometimes we have to come close to drowning to realize that we have the power to save ourselves.
It was time to do some inventory of the energy that I allowed into my life. I have now learned that real estate is limited and I no longer have the time, space or patience to allow anything remotely toxic on board. I have learned to send them a blessing with a farewell as I ask them to exit left. I wish them all the best, but they can no longer consume my space. For so long I didn’t see that I have a choice. I do. And so do you.
Not everyone deserves a reservation on your life’s journey. Not everyone deserves your truths, your humor and your spirit. Not everyone wants to see you thrive.
I would rather have a kayak filled with loyalty than a yacht filled with lies.
You have a choice as to who is let in.
You are the gatekeeper and the ticket collector dear one.
You, amazing you.
Let the ones who lift you in.
Let the ones who see you and love you and want nothing but greatness for you aboard.
Life is short but it is far too long to spend it under water.
Thank you to those that I’m lucky enough to have to help hold the paddles of this life.
Here’s to the patchers, the healers and the believers.
Here’s to you.
Katie’s essay and tangent collection about motherhood, life and imperfection, Happy Broken Crayons is available on Amazon now. Thank you for reading. You are the (queen) bees knees. Happy happy holidays and happy happy new year to you. In setting your hopes for 2018, please think about your word. I can’t wait to hear it. Xoxo
To read more blogs by Katie Moore click here.
Katie Yackley Moore is a freelance writer, yoga instructor and a momma of four navigating life and a separation and finding herself in the process. She adores coffee shops, laughing until it hurts and impromptu dance parties. Her work has appeared on Scary Mommy, Mamalode and HuffPost Parents. She has published a journal entitled “Dream a Bigger Dream” and the children’s books “You Are a Warrior” and “We are Family” and just finished her first novel. Catch up with her between tea breaks at The Naked Momma and on Facebook.