Dear Dr. Debbie,
I know she means well, but my mother thinks she knows best regarding everything about pregnancy and baby care. It was a real challenge with my first child, who is now seven, but we’re expecting a bundle in about six months and already she’s trying to take charge. I’m flashing back to arguments about whether a blanket can be in the crib and whether to lay a baby on her back or her tummy to sleep. As a Millennial with a firm trust in confirming multiple internet sources with professional advice, I had to sneak in after her to remove the blanket. I’m dreading the fussing I expect to get from her about how unnecessary the “latest trends” are that modern parents follow.
Keeping Current
Dear K.C.,
Of course she means well. A mother’s instinct is to protect her child, and by extension, her child’s child. When your would-be protector is also an experienced mother she naturally feels confident that she knows her way around pregnancy and babies.
But things change. There are changes in how things are done and new understandings about how to do things better.
Latest Trends
Health science and research on the early stages of family dynamics bring new information to us all the time. Presuming it’s been at least two decades since your mother’s most recent pregnancy, her ways may be in conflict with important changes in the recommendations of today’s authorities.
For example, the typical American diet has undergone a severe decline in nutritional value in recent generations primarily due to a greater dependence on processed foods. Minimally processed foods that your mother may have eaten and fed you when you were little may now contain an abundance of additives including high fructose corn syrup. Too much of this can trigger weight gain, diabetes, hearth disease, and other ills. In response to new information, more people are getting on board with reading labels and understanding the relationship between a healthy diet and bodily health.
As you know, consistent information is so easy to get from reliable sources on the internet. Today we can look up advice for pregnancy including common foods to avoid since both pregnant women and infants are more susceptible to foodborne illnesses such as listeria. Don’t be pressured by a less-well-informed Grandma to eat raw sprouts, undercooked animal products, nor unpasteurized dairy foods. These food precautions are backed up by multiple sources including recommendations for pregnant women at FoodSafety.gov.
Past mothers may have been told that alcohol helps with breastfeeding. The global authority on breastfeeding, La Leche League International, says otherwise. Newborns cannot tolerate alcohol in breastmilk at all. After about eight weeks postpartum a nursing mother needs to be cautious with alcohol consumption to continue to protect her little one’s developing brain. Additionally, some of the effects of drinking alcohol for a nursing mother could include reduced milk production and decreased milk ejection. Then you have a hungry, cranky baby who is not gaining sufficient weight.
Attachment
Skin-to-skin contact has become much more widely accepted as the best way for a newborn to begin life for the first hour or two out of the womb. Mothers as well as fathers benefit from a rush of oxytocin – which helps them fall in love with the baby – while the babies benefit from a stabilizing effect of this special touch to steady their breathing, blood-oxygen level, and body temperature. Long-term benefits beyond boosting the immune system include getting the parent-child relationship off to a great start. As a bonus, there seems to be a correlation between babies receiving “Kangaroo Care” and their neurodevelopmental abilities (brain power).
Baby Care Updates
Your mother could benefit from her own internet research if you can convince her that you’re not just trying to be a rebellious teen-ager. You are following the sound advice that comes from your and your baby’s health care providers, but as a Millennial, your decisions about how to care for yourself and your baby are backed up by corroborating internet searches.
An in-person group class for expectant grandparents would be ideal for the older generation, however from my quick internet search I only found two-hour virtual classes offered by local institutions. Luminus Health will be offering Grandparents Updates on May 2, 2026. And Grand-Parenting 101 is offered by University of Maryland Medical Center with upcoming sessions on May 6 and June 1, 2026.
If your mother is going to be doing much of the actual baby care on her own (when you won’t be around to remove a blanket from the crib), it would be important to have her accompany you to a couple of pediatric appointments. Someone in a white lab coat may be more effective in conveying up-to-date baby care instructions.
Home Turf
I can share a bit of advice from my experience as the first of my mother’s five children to have a baby. Our mother-daughter dynamic was such that it was easier for her to ignore my wishes in her home and it was easier for me to make the call about what to do with the baby when she was a visitor in my home. “The pediatrician said no juice before six months,” came out of my mouth with firmer conviction when I was in my own living room, feeling more like an adult than a child. (By the way, it’s twelve months before juice now!)
It’s tough to be a mother when your mother is trying to mother you.
Dr. Debbie
Write your question to Dr. Debbie! Please include age(s) of your child(ren) and other details about the situation or concern.
Deborah Wood, Ph.D. is a child development specialist and founding director of Chesapeake Children’s Museum, located at 25 Silopanna Road in Annapolis. Online reservations are available or call: 410-990-1993. Walk-ins are welcome. There is a Nature Walk on Thursdays at 10:30 am. Art and Story Time with Mrs. Spears and Puppy the Puppet is on Mondays at 10:30 am.
Chesapeake Children’s Museum is coordinating events across Anne Arundel County using books of poetry about nature as inspiration. The county-wide NEA Big Read has events for all ages, many of them free of charge. Note that some events require advance registration.
