Today is my ex-husband’s 40th birthday. Tonight, we will have dinner. Him, me, our four kids. And his girlfriend.
I have known him for half of our lives, but it is in the last three that life has dramatically shifted. We are navigating this new, raw and sometimes rocky terrain of separate households trying to raise amazing humans together. In all of my flaws and shortcomings, this is what I know to be true: this is hard and there is no instruction book. The lessons earned, the grit felt, the light and hope chased. This is what I need to remind myself of. This is maybe what a lot of us need to remind ourselves of.
This is an imperfect road map to the new normal.
When in doubt, choose grace.
Silence is a response.
No one ever died from biting their tongues (I mean, I guess it’s possible but just don’t bite too hard).
Don’t keep looking back, you are no longer headed that way.
Take time to heal.
Self-care is imperative.
Carry the good.
Embrace the chaos.
Let it go.
The kids are watching, even when you don’t think they are.
Listening is priceless.
Pain is a part of the process but that doesn’t mean you have to unpack and live there.
Words have weight.
Not every action commands a reaction.
There are some battles worth lacing up for. Others do not matter. Learn to know the difference.
Love your children fiercely.
Show up when you say you will.
Take down your walls.
Learn the power of an apology.
Keep not settling.
Know what is worth your energy.
Know that you are not alone.
Know that you’ve got this.
Know that you are enough.
Know that it still feels.
And that it is okay to sometimes question whether or not everything will be okay. Just as there should be no expiration date on grief, there should be no expiration date on heartache either. But I do believe that it will all be okay, even when it feels the opposite. Here’s to another year around the sun. Here’s doing our best, no matter what shape the new normal takes.
Here’s to the new us.
Katie has a new book out that is a collection of quotes and mic drops to embrace your inner warrior. “Girl Power” is available now on Amazon and is the perfect gift for all the warriors in your world. You can find out more details and book signing info on her instagram @katieyackleymoore. Endless thanks for reading. Xo
Katie Yackley Moore is a freelance writer, real estate agent, yoga instructor and a momma of four navigating life and a separation and finding herself in the process. She adores coffee shops, laughing until it hurts and impromptu dance parties. Her work has appeared on Scary Mommy, Mamalode and HuffPost Parents. She has published a journal entitled “Dream a Bigger Dream” and the children’s books “You Are a Warrior” and “We are Family” and just finished her first novel. Catch up with her between tea breaks at The Naked Momma and on Facebook.