No parent has all the answers, but Lory Cosner is an expert at helping other parents find out what works.
Cosner is a licensed clinical social worker in a private telehealth practice. She says she primarily works with people on the LGBTQ spectrum, people who have non-traditional family structures or people who practice earth-based spiritualities—but she’ll see anybody she’s a good fit for.
Cosner calls Annapolis home, along with her husband, Andy, and their children, Logan (14) and Owen (10). Both of her children are autistic and have ADHD.
What do you enjoy about [clinical social work]?
I really like being that safe space for people and teaching them tools to help, or finding out what is working for them and how we can build on that. Everybody that comes into my office has a 100% survival rate of their worst day, which means something they’re doing is working, so it’s seeing where we can go from that. It’s nice to help people find a path forward and find what’s going to work for them and whoever is in their orbit.
What do you love about being a parent?
My kids are really cool. They’re very different—my oldest is basically Sheldon Cooper except with computers instead of physics, and my youngest is our chaos gremlin. He is bright, and creative and wild, and you just never know what’s gonna happen. They both have completely savage wits, and they’re loving.
I’m raising two young white men in an upper-middle-class family, and my main goal as a parent is to help them become someone that women will choose over the bear. I love seeing who they’re going to be, and I love seeing them develop their passions. The thing I love about parenting is helping to raise people that are gonna help make the world better.
When did you start intentionally teaching your children to be aware of other people’s needs and struggles?
We started from the very beginning. We had Todd Parr’s “The Feelings Book,” and we read that to them when they were kids. Todd Parr is amazing. He covers all sorts of things; he has books that represent all kinds of different family combinations and things like that. We’ve taught them from the very beginning that there are people all over the world and that everybody is different.
What’s something you’ve learned from your children?
I’ve learned so much about what ADHD really is from my children. It’s not the bouncing around and swinging from chandeliers that everybody thinks it is. There’s so much more to it—there’s rejection sensitivity, there’s all sorts of superpowers. It’s been really great to have that reminder that what you learn in books is not always the whole story.
How do you find your work-life balance?
That’s actually why I went into private practice, because even taking insurance, I can make roughly the same or a little bit more money than I was making, and I only work about 30 hours a week. That means that if one of my kids has a field trip, I don’t have to ask somebody’s permission to take off work.
I know there are some moms out there that were put on this earth to be a mom. I am not one of them. I am a much better parent when I get breaks, and I usually aim to go on a solo trip at least once a year. That’s usually going to a retreat or traveling with friends.
I want my boys to know that I am a whole person with my own needs. As a therapist, I’m always telling people everyone in the family is also an individual who needs their own time and attention.
Family Favorites
Meal: Spaghetti
Dessert: Cake
Local Spot: Maryland Science Center
Vacation Spot: Beach
Activity: Board games, video games
Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.
