Dear Dr. Debbie,
It seems like birthday parties are starting to fill up my children’s social calendars. They turned one and three in 2020, so socializing at all wasn’t possible for most of their lives. We had planned a party last year, but the seven-year-old caught Covid-19 as it spread among the friend group, so we canceled. All this to say, although we have attended a few, we’ve never hosted a party.
Their birthdays will be coming up soon. Do you have a recipe for success?
First Time Birthday Mom
Dear F.T.B.M,
A child’s birthday party should be a fun affair with happy guests and a jovial host. It’s a great opportunity for a child to learn good hosting skills while holding up to the pressure of being the center of attention.
Prep Work
For a soon-to-be eight-year-old, start the serious, but still enjoyable, conversation about a month or so before the birthday about what they would like to do for the Big Day. A five-year-old needs less time, since, well, waiting is just too hard. Decisions are easily unmade if made too far in advance. As part of everyday playtime, a five-year-old can be rehearsing what happens at a birthday party with make-believe candle blowing and other traditional rituals acted out with a supporting cast of stuffed animals and baby dolls. Put yourself in the scene to help guide it.
Pretend parties could have different themes, for example, a princess party has the guests wear construction paper crowns, a pirate party needs some “treasure” (from Mom’s junk jewelry stash) to be found following a trail of clues, and a petting zoo party turns some of the stuffed animals into exotic creatures with whom the other guests could visit. Make-believe helps to whittle down the possibilities of themes, venues, menus, and activities when it comes to planning a real party.
The Birthday Guest of Honor (who is also the Junior Host) needs to be in the conversation about these decisions plus the guest list, all within the reach of the parents’ resources. Homemade parties can be very satisfying. If you have family nearby, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and older cousins may want to contribute their time and talents for making the food and leading the activities.
There are many local venues that are happy to take care of all the party details for you, if that’s your preference and price range, leaving you and the Birthday Child the important duty of inviting and welcoming your guests. A skating rink, bowling alley, or movie theater might suit a group of eight-year-olds. For the six-year-old set, a more open-ended activity might work well, such as a space for making their own art or an indoor gym for climbing and bouncing.
Whole Grain Goodness
Everything about a birthday party should be good for children. Special attention, special food, and special activities add to the enjoyment of the celebration. Just a quick reminder, then, to prevent “spoilage.”
Positive attention is always good for children – just don’t overdo it. There’s a balance between the Birthday Child getting to choose many aspects of the party while at the same time keeping all the guests’ needs in mind. “Your friends might like . . .” is a good way to preface some of the decisions. Since children younger than seven have trouble taking another person’s point of view, your younger child might need more coaching to consider what the guests might enjoy.
Likewise, a young child’s opinion about the best birthday food might need some adult input. Nothing ruins a pleasant party atmosphere like a wild sugar high. Nowadays, with more awareness of food allergies, be sure you know which ingredients to avoid. Parents with concerns will be relieved to discuss the menu with you ahead of time. When you revise the menu accordingly, your child learns how to be a thoughtful host. The library and the internet can offer unlimited menu options that will keep everyone in an agreeable mood.
The mood can be affected by the choice of activities, too. Age-appropriate party activities can also be found from many sources. Consider art activities, a cooking activity, dancing, or a treasure hunt with each child’s name on their own “prize.” If you decide to have games, look for those that are based on cooperation and camaraderie. For some silly group fun, see how long everyone can keep a beach ball in the air – using your bare feet. Count seconds on a stopwatch, or count how many kicks before the ball hits the floor.
Timed to Perfection
You can help your child to be the perfect Guest of Honor/ Birthday Host with a well-planned timetable. Two hours is typical, with consideration for whether the party will include a well-timed meal or just a snack. Begin with readying your home (or arriving in advance to your party location) so that the junior host can greet each guest with you and direct them as to where to put coats and gifts. When you introduce yourself to children and parents you might not have met yet, your examples of, “I’m glad you could come,” and, “It’s so nice to meet you,” are just the phrases a novice greeter can use themselves since they might otherwise be at a loss.
If presents are opened at the party, your heartfelt exclamations serve to let the gift-givers know their efforts are appreciated, as well as to give the gift recipient words to copy on the spot. Some rehearsal and discussion about how to receive EVERY gift with enthusiasm can take place at your make-believe parties. “Thank you, Princess Sunbeam, for the gift of a red shoelace. This will come in handy when I take my royal kite to the park.” Note that opening gifts at children’s birthday parties is a ritual that seems to be disappearing. If gifts are opened later at home, be sure to guide your child through the custom of thank you notes. Follow the same form of communication you used for the invitation: card in the mail, email, text, or a simple phone call.
Farewells are as important as greetings, sometimes accompanied by a “favor” or goodie bag as a token of thanks for being part of the celebration. This gesture, too, is best learned at the side of an expert. “Rodney, we’re so glad you could come today. I hope you enjoyed yourself!”
The Icing on the Cake
Did you remember to take pictures? Were there charming comments from guests about how much they were enjoying the activities? Satisfaction from a party well-done can be savored as you are cleaning up (or packing up). Be sure to mention the things you noticed your child doing as a good host. “Your friends sure had a nice time,” is the best gift of all.
Dr. Debbie
Write to Dr. Debbie! Please include age(s) of your child(ren) and other details about the situation or concern.
Deborah Wood, Ph.D. is a child development specialist and founding director of Chesapeake Children’s Museum, located at 25 Silopanna Road in Annapolis.
The museum is open daily from 10 am to 4 pm. Online reservations are available or call: 410-990-1993. Each Thursday there is a guided nature walk at 10:30 am. Art and Story Times with Mrs. Spears and Puppy the Puppet are on Monday mornings at 10:30 am.
