Dear Dr. Debbie,

I’m pretty much on my own with a darling 2 ½-year old. I’ve moved around a lot since leaving here in my early twenties and still have family around which is why, when my company offered to relocate me to Anne Arundel County I jumped at the opportunity. The problem is, the new job hasn’t started yet and there’s no date for it either. Meantime we’re in a tiny apartment living as frugally as possible.

While I love spending time with my little one visiting libraries and other toddler-friendly places, he is used to the predictable routine of his former childcare center.

A Little Lost In Limbo

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Dear A.L.L.I.L.,

Routine is very important to little ones. As is Mommy’s emotional well-being. An offer to move you for work, but no starting date? That’s not very reassuring. You didn’t say how the reconnection with family is going, so I’ll make some assumptions and suggestions about that, too.

Family (and Friend) Connection

Relatives can add an important social network for you and your son. Are there any children in the mix who would be fun for your son to play with (and potentially grow up with)? Are there teens or adults in the family who might shower your little one with attention and affection, and play an active role in his childhood? Are there potential caregivers among them who could reliably take responsibility in your absence – either in an emergency or on a regular basis?

I’m guessing you’re not used to parenting with family around. Family members that love your child almost as much as you do bring gifts beyond measure.

Spend some time while you still have loose days to meet up with your family members. If weekdays don’t work, push for a weekend commitment co-planned with a family member who knows the best parks or who has a serviceable yard. Use these gatherings to introduce people to your son and to get yourself introduced to new family members and perhaps friends of family members. Look for strong candidates who could become a regular part of your new life.

You might also check in with your old friends who still live here. If you haven’t kept in touch, this is a good time to reach out. Be clear about what’s important to you now: mainly, building a life around your son, and hopefully, a transplanted job. Re-establishing a friendship when you’ve become a parent is a lot like dating. You’re looking past “first impressions” for a deep connection that is good for both parties. Your priorities and goals have changed in the years that have passed. So, too, have theirs. See who lines up as someone who can be relied upon to share this time of your life with you. Remember that a good friendship is mutual. Each of you contributes interest in the other’s ups and downs. A friend is there for resources and connections, for encouragement through hard times and for heartfelt congratulations over each other’s triumphs. You are also looking for someone whose use of time can match up in some way to yours, even if that’s end-of-day texting.

Job Security

I’ll assume you’re in frequent contact regarding a start date for the new job. A lack of certainty on their part should allow for your being open to a temporary job to carry you financially in the interim. So while you wait for this job to materialize, keep your eyes and ears open for something that fits you until then. Or maybe instead. Friends and family can provide prospective connections if you clarify to them what you’re looking for.

Are you open to volunteering? There are volunteer jobs that would welcome your two-year-old such as a full day childcare center, part-time preschool, or a weekly program for young children. (Your child would be officially enrolled.) For example, when my daughter was four-years-old I volunteered as the pianist for her dance class in lieu of tuition. My co-worker in a preschool class had started as a volunteer when her three-year-old was reluctant to be there without Mommy. This volunteer job eventually became a paid job, lasting through her younger child’s time as a student there. Chesapeake Children’s Museum accepts volunteers with children for a variety of tasks.

Obviously, what happens with your son while you’re at work is part of the job search question. To locate an open spot in a family childcare home or a childcare center, use the Maryland Family Network website or call the office: 877-261-0060. See if you qualify for a Maryland Child Care Scholarship which gives financial assistance when needed for a parent to go to work or to attend school. Use the Facebook group: Childcare around AA County to post your needs and to see who is posting openings.

Two-Year-Old Life

You’re waiting on your next job, but your son is awaiting his next childcare setting. If possible, choose and get him settled into his next placement (or at least on the waiting list) as soon as possible. An ideal set up might be a part-time opening for now that expands to full-time when you need it.

Stability is important for children. Familiar people, places, and daily routines help a child to feel safe and secure. While your life is in limbo, create a structure to your days to include food, rest, play time, and outings on a regular schedule so that your son has a steady rhythm to his days. If he learned songs and finger plays at his former childcare setting (“Eensy Weensy Spider” is a good example) keep him in practice with them. The “Clean Up Song” from the children’s show Barney & Friends is almost universal in early childhood settings. You can learn it from the internet if you don’t already know it and add it to each day’s routines.

Mom Life

The pandemic is releasing its hold on in-person gatherings (Anne Arundel County is at a “low” risk of contagion at present) so consider joining a Moms’ group for invaluable confirmation that motherhood is the hardest, and most rewarding, job there is. Use search words to find in-person and online groups that may be church-based, age-based, neighborhood based, single parents only, etc.

There are many pieces that need to fall into place for you at this time. Start with the roots that you have here – family and friends. Somebody knows somebody who has a job opening – even if it’s temporary. Piece in a new childcare setting for your son to replace the friends, teachers and daily routine he left behind. And in the process of piecing it all together, foster friendships for yourself that fit into this puzzle of parenting in a new place that happens to be your old place, too.

Dr. Debbie

Deborah Wood, Ph.D. is a child development specialist and founding director of Chesapeake Children’s Museum. She will be presenting Zoom workshops for parents on Mondays 7-9 pm, April 24: Good-for-You Food Fun, May 8: Dinosaurs Divorce, May 22: The Skin You Live In.

The museum is open with online reservations or call: 410-990-1993. Each Thursday there is a guided nature walk at 10:30 am.

Read more of Dr. Wood’s Good Parenting columns by clicking here.