Dear Dr. Debbie,
Our sixteen-month-old is hard to put down for naps and nighttime. As we were weaning him from breastfeeding (because we’re expecting a sibling this spring) Daddy was able to do stories and rocking most nights. For afternoon naps, our little one has a nanny who helps him get to sleep. Lately he just cries for me when he knows I’m in the house. I work from home. Daddy does not.
I’m beginning to get a bit anxious about managing with a new baby.
Nighty Night?
Dear N.N.,
It’s important to have a steady routine for going to sleep. Toddlers crave predictability as they are learning how the world works. So, as much as possible, keep the actions and the environment the same for every nap and bedtime.
Age Appropriate
Calling for Mommy is of course entirely typical for a little one who associates you with food, comfort, entertainment, and emotional security. A trio of caregivers is nice to have, but, let’s face it, Mommy is special.
He probably most closely identifies Mommy as the part of himself that can reach high things and walk longer distances than the appendages attached to his shoulders and below his belly. In his view, your physical presence is an essential part of his being.
It’s also typical to have trouble falling asleep for a variety of reasons at his age: teething pain (“two-year-old” molars may be pushing their way into place), a racing mind (so many new experiences in a toddler’s day!), a stuffy nose, and or less than the usual amount of physical exercise, to name a few.
Something’s Up
From 15 months to two years, language development and intellectual development increase rapidly. Very soon you can expect your child to understand “in a few a minutes” means that although he can’t see you, you have not ceased to exist. If you’re tied up with a business call, a picture of you on Daddy’s phone can suffice to reassure him of your existence and the promise of your return to his room shortly.
Although he may only have up to fifty or so words and signs that he can express, your toddler may have 200 words in his comprehension vocabulary. As he understands more words, he is getting better and better at following the gist of adult conversations, especially when they concern him.
Is it possible that he’s picked up enough about the impending addition to the family to be concerned? If the adults are talking about “when the baby comes” with a hint of apprehension, this could be causing him some anxiety. Even your body language, as the baby-on-the-way takes up more and more space in your body and mind, could be communicating unsettling changes on the horizon that are affecting your composure.
If you’re working on transitioning your first-born to a toddler bed, this change may not be welcome. After all, his crib has been his nesting place as far back as he can remember. You may feel a deadline is looming to make room for the next-in-line. Toilet mastery is another transition that parents often associate with “before the next baby comes” rather than when the older sibling is ready. Your sense of urgency is confusing. Babies are generally not in a hurry to give up babyhood.
Wind Down Time
Snuggling in an adult’s arms with a picture book in a rocking chair followed by some soft lullabies is the time-tested ritual to lead into a good nap or nighttime sleep. (This summer, the field of musicology is merging with neuroscience to explore the effects of music on sleep with an international conference!) About fifteen minutes or more should be allotted for a soothing routine for a successful wind-down.
A warm bath can be a nice lead in to this routine, although some toddlers have so much fun in the bath that it should precede bedtime by an hour or more. In the same vein, the temperature of the room and the warmth or coolness of clothing can affect a toddler’s ability to fall asleep easily. Find the right recipe and stick with it.
There are also individual differences for preferring back rubs, back pats, head caresses, temple tickles, or other tender touches, or the preference for no touch at all. Many babies develop an attachment to a stuffed animal, a soft baby doll, or a blanket that reliably helps them long past toddlerhood to relax before falling asleep.
Reality
Try your best to have all three of your child’s grown-ups use the same routine to induce drowsiness. But take heart, sleep challenges are common up to age five! Manage your expectations to be able to accomplish the demands of your paid job around the ability of your teammates to manage the needs of the children in these early years.
Strategize to give positive one-on-one attention so your toddler is secure in feeling that his grown-ups are on the job of taking care of his every need. He knows he can’t take care of himself.
Moving into life with two little ones, your team of caregivers still outnumbers the children.
Dr. Debbie
Write your question to Dr. Debbie! Please include age(s) of your child(ren) and other details about the situation or concern.
Deborah Wood, Ph.D. is a child development specialist and founding director of Chesapeake Children’s Museum, located at 25 Silopanna Road in Annapolis.
CCM is open from 10 am to 4 pm daily. Online reservations are available or call: 410-990-1993. Walk-ins are welcome. Art and Story Time with Mrs. Spears and Puppy the Puppet is on Monday mornings at 10:30 am. Each Thursday there is a Nature Walk at 10:30 am. As part of Anne Arundel County’s Walktober, all nature walks this month are FREE!
On Saturday, October 11, CCM is hosting a Community Yard Sale from 8 am to 12 pm. Rent a table or just a space! Shop for bargains galore!
Also on Saturday, CCM will be facilitating crafts at the City of Annapolis dia de los muertos Festival on Edgewood Ave., 11 am to 6 pm. Costumes are encouraged! Admission is free.
