Dear Dr. Debbie,
I feel pathetic. My sweet five-year-old asked me why all the pictures of me before she and her little brother were born showed me smiling while the more recent photos don’t have me with a happy face. Sure enough I’m smiling in wedding photos and lots of others before motherhood.
I wouldn’t say that I’m currently unhappy, but clearly she’s noticed a pattern that I’d like to correct!
Frowny Face
Dear F.F.,
Let’s say it’s a bit stressful to face the camera with little ones on your lap after struggles to disengage them from a fun activity, get their faces clean, and or force a moment of stillness. Let’s also say that motherhood, while bursting with notable achievements, joyful interactions, and precious moments to savor forever, also comes with heavy responsibilities and daily mental and physical exertion.
Smiling, as your daughter is no doubt aware, is a universal indication of good feelings. Your daughter’s observation can inspire you to reclaim a happier outward appearance for her benefit and yours.
The Science
There’s a highspeed connection between your face and your brain. A pleasant thought stimulates facial muscles – around the eyes and mouth – to make a smile. The contrary is also true. Indications of a sour mood, disappointment, anger, sadness, and other not happy feelings appear on one’s face from lines on the forehead to lines extending from the corners of the mouth to the sides of the chin.
As social animals, especially among family members, one person’s smile affects another person’s emotions. A friendly face at the pediatrician’s office puts Mom at ease which can then create a more cooperative patient. The opposite is also true. A brusque reception at the front desk ruffles Mom’s composure. Another young patient’s teary face in the waiting room is likewise unsettling to a child. Things can go downhill from there.
There is a classic piece of research about a little one’s dependence on Mom’s face to know if all is well in the world. A very young child’s world, after all, revolves around her caregiver’s ability to provide food, comfort, and fun. Dr. Ed Tronick’s “Still Face Experiment” from 1975 has been replicated many times with both mothers and fathers to show how important a caregiver’s face is to the baby’s feelings of safety and contentment. In the experiment, two video cameras are used, one focused on the parent and the other on the baby (usually around 7 months old). For a few minutes the parent engages happily with her child, then she is told to have a neutral face for 2 minutes. Very quickly the baby shows concern then distress. This is not a comfortable situation. When Mom is told by the experimenter to go back to a happy interaction, the baby soon recovers and all is well once more.
You Can Catch a Smile
Research on adults similarly shows that we pick up on the emotions of individuals with whom we interact, and, importantly, that we have the power to influence more smiles through these interactions. The National Institute for Health reported on a study from Fujita Health University in Aichi, Japan. Two adults conversed for three minutes, with intensity and frequency of smiles noted by the research team. “The results showed that the amount of smiling by the speaker changed significantly depending on the listener’s smile amount; when the listeners smiled to a greater extent, the speakers tended to smile more.”
One nice thing about sharing smiles is that it feels good. The action of making a smile loops back to the brain to evoke pleasant feelings, thereby causing more smiling. Try it! Smile more and see if doesn’t make you feel sunnier and it catches on with the people around you.
Benefits of Smiling
There are many good reasons for increasing smiles among us, especially to express to our children that their grownups are in good working order.
St. Louis Children’s Hospital gives five good reasons:
- The act of smiling releases endorphins, which can help both the smiler and the smilee (who will naturally return a smile) experience a positive mood.
- Shared smiles can strengthen the emotional bond between parent and child as an expression of unlimited love and acceptance.
- Putting a smile on your face, whether you are a child or an adult, makes you more approachable to others, enhancing peer relationships.
- Smiling actually lowers stress levels, reduces blood pressure, and boosts the immune system.
- When the parent is a model of positive expression, more often than not, her children will share a more positive outlook and approach life’s challenges with optimism.
You don’t have to look too hard to find a reason to smile when it’s reflected in your children’s faces.
Dr. Debbie
Write your question to Dr. Debbie! Please include age(s) of your child(ren) and other details about the situation or concern.
Deborah Wood, Ph.D. is a child development specialist and founding director of Chesapeake Children’s Museum, located at 25 Silopanna Road in Annapolis.d
Summer hours for CCM are from 10 am to 5 pm daily. Online reservations are available or call: 410-990-1993. Walk-ins are welcome. Each Thursday there is a guided nature walk at 10:30 am. Art and Story Time with Mrs. Spears and Puppy the Puppet is on Monday mornings at 10:30 am.
Parents and other caregivers of young children have an opportunity to gain insights and tools from Dr. Wood in a two-hour workshop: Effective Discipline for Preschoolerson Wednesday, August 27, 5:30-7:30 pm at Chesapeake Children’s Museum. Childcare can be provided if arranged in advance. Call 410-990-1993 or email: [email protected] for more information.
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