My girlfriends and I have a pact for 2018: we are going to apologize less. There are things that we are longer apologizing for in this life and we call each other out when we catch ourselves saying it for things that don’t deserve our apology. We save our apologies for the real deal necessary moments and that is where they mean more and are lined in sincerity. I highly recommend it, chances are you don’t even realize how much you say it in a day.
I am not sorry anymore. Here are four things that I no longer am apologizing for:
1. Things that are not my fault. I’m looking at you weather and traffic. I didn’t create that thunderstorm so why am I apologizing for its existence on this day and that is the reason that we can’t have a picnic. Yes it’s a bummer. But I am not mother nature. Clear skies and clear roads are not a guarantee in this life, embrace them while we have them but we no longer need to apologize for their absence.
2. My love life (or lack there of). Nope. I’m not apologizing. The reasons my husband and I are going through a divorce are deeply personal. I don’t need to explain it. And the default response that people give is to say “I’m sorry.” It is an automatic response and I absolutely understand that reaction. But now when I hear someone else going through a break-up or a divorce I try to be more conscious in the words I choose to give back to them. Because there are often deep meaningful reasons of why they divided and often no apology is necessary because the break up was necessary and they often are not sorry that it happened. Divorce can be the gateway to someone’s survival. So I try to stay more in the lane of, “I am here if you ever want or need to talk about it. I love you. I know that it can be a very hard journey. I am here. And I will bring wine to you anytime.” And if you are happy and in love, please embrace it. The world needs more of that. I want to see you thrive.
3. Having an opinion. I think that it is about a damn time that we speak up without apology or hesitation in our voices. Be mad, strong, fierce. Just don’t be numb. We no longer have to be quiet in this life. Own your beliefs, say no to the injustices. And carry yourself tall.
4. My time. My world is my four kids, my work, my friends and my family. I try to put self care in there but at the end of the day there is very little time for anything else, including myself. I don’t always have time for the people I deeply love so I am no longer apologizing for saying no to the things that do not serve them or serve me. I’m not doing all the fundraisers. I’m not going to all the parties. I’m not committing to anything additional that is for a cause that does not have meaning to me or my children. I’m saying yes only to the people and things that lift me in this life. I’m saying no to all the extra exhausting drains on my time. Every no empowers space for the more important yes. This year because my life has been redefined in so many deep hard beautiful ways, the pulls on my time have become exceedingly more significant and I hold my hours as though they are fragile and priceless. Because they are. And yours are too. So don’t say sorry for how and who you spend them with. Redefine your explanations and commitments to best live your one wild glorious life. Your days deserve you showing up for them, without apology.
Katie’s essay and tangent collection about motherhood, life and imperfection, Happy Broken Crayons is available on Amazon now. Thank you for reading. You are the (queen) bees knees. Happy happy holidays and happy happy new year to you. In setting your hopes for 2018, please think about your word. I can’t wait to hear it. Xoxo
To read more blogs by Katie Moore click here.
Katie Yackley Moore is a freelance writer, yoga instructor and a momma of four navigating life and a separation and finding herself in the process. She adores coffee shops, laughing until it hurts and impromptu dance parties. Her work has appeared on Scary Mommy, Mamalode and HuffPost Parents. She has published a journal entitled “Dream a Bigger Dream” and the children’s books “You Are a Warrior” and “We are Family” and just finished her first novel. Catch up with her between tea breaks at The Naked Momma and on Facebook.