Dear Dr. Debbie,
We are brand new parents—two weeks in—and are wondering what we should be doing besides feeding our baby whenever she wants, changing her diapers and trying to get some sleep. We are grateful to have some time away from work and want to make the most of it with her!
—Bleary-eyed but Loving It
Dear B-ebLI,
You can capitalize on the rapid brain development that is going on in your baby’s head during your parental leave and during your precious parenting time after you go back to work. The easiest way to do this is to use feeding time, diapering time and any time your baby is alert to have conversation with her. For now, you do the talking and she responds with rapt attention. Exercise is another rewarding parent-child activity that can start very early in your relationship and continue indefinitely. Then, there’s introducing her to the world at large, a task that grows wider and wider as she grows up.
Talk, Talk, Talk
Babies who are exposed to lots of conversation between parents and other people around them have an early advantage for language learning. The rhythm, tone, vocabulary and even the language itself become foundational for later communication skills. Incidentally, if a child is exposed to more than one language from the very beginning, this improves her ability to communicate in any language.
Talking to a baby is the best—and easiest—strategy for helping the more than 80 billion brain cells she was born with to make connections among themselves. That’s what learning is. The brain makes a path from neuron to neuron to neuron as a thought or motor action occurs. From birth to around age 2, the brain is making 700 to 1,000 new neural connections per second! Conversation, songs, blowing raspberries on Baby’s tummy, reading a board book and other repetitive experiences will go far toward helping those brain cells to make good, strong networks.
In addition to talking to a baby, your facial expressions, body motions and hand gestures can be part of repetitive games to play with her. Brain cells for language are stimulated as well as are those responsible for social-emotional skills. “The Eensy Weensy Spider” can help to build a loving parent-child bond as a specific motor-language-social-emotional pathway is laid. That specific pathway becomes thicker each time those same words, and the accompanying lifting of baby’s hands over her head, are repeated. At some point, maybe around the 25th repetition, Baby knows from the beginning of the song to anticipate what follows. If you use exactly the same inflection and tempo as you sing the words and pair the rhythm of the words with predictable movement, she’ll soon know to slowly raise her own hands up without your having to do it for her.
Can’t remember the words to “Wheels on the Bus” or “Head Shoulders Knees and Toes” or “Pat-a-Cake Pat-a-Cake”? The internet has them at your fingertips. Classic nursery rhymes, action songs and finger plays build important networks among brain cells as well as help to forge a loving attachment between you and your baby.
Arm Stretches and Leg Pedaling
Motor learning is critical in the early months and years, too. You can start with simple exercises to strengthen her arm and leg muscles now that she is free of her pre-birth confinement.
“Row, Row, Row Your Boat” is an excellent song to accompany gentle arm stretches across her chest and outward. In 1892, Harry Dacre of England wrote the perfect song to which you can “bicycle” your baby’s legs as she lies on her back.
“Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do.
I’m half crazy all for the love of you.
It won’t be a stylish marriage
We can’t afford a carriage
But you’ll look sweet upon the seat
Of a bicycle built for two.”
Add some brief Tummy Time sessions on a clean carpet or a blanket on the lawn and gradually increase the time as your baby gains mobility. By two months, she should be having 15 to 30 minutes of Tummy Time with you each day. In the first couple of years, there is a lot of motor planning, during which the baby has to figure out exactly how to move parts of her body to achieve some goal of her own choosing. As she repeatedly succeeds, she then works from motor memory—by which neural pathways that have been lain can now automatically move her mouth, arms, legs, torso, hands and/or head to achieve her objective.
The Wider World
Have you given your little daughter a tour of her house? This is an intriguing experience for the baby, who is still so new to it all, and a good fallback in the middle of the night when it may be hard for you to keep up your end of the conversation. “Here’s the kitchen clock. It ticks. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.” You can chant, “Down. Down. Down. Down. Down.” as you descend the stairs with her in your arms and “Up. Up. Up. Up. Up.” as you ascend. About a year from now, she may delight you by repeating these words at the appropriate time.
The rooms in which she will be playing must, of course, be baby proofed so that she can be free to explore the landscape. Use the time before she is mobile to identify objects and furniture that will be safe and interesting. For example, a set of cork coasters could crumble if used as a teether, but coasters made of cloth or rubber would be fine for her to taste and chew on. A coffee table should be sturdy with curved corners to help when she’s ready to pull herself up to standing in about eight or nine months.
If you don’t get around to prepping your home for a crawler and toddler, you can try to stay at least one step ahead by having “floor time” beside, behind or beneath the baby as she begins to maneuver herself. Be sure to give a running introduction to the objects in her world—couch, Daddy’s shoes, laundry basket—as she encounters them. She’s all ears for the sound of your voice and she’s learning to rely on your knowledge and guidance.
Similarly, when you are in the grocery store with her, use a conversational tone to ponder whether to purchase chicken or fish for tonight’s dinner. Share your thoughts about the ripeness of the produce, the cost comparison between differently sized boxes of crackers, etc. with the little one strapped to your chest or perched in her carrier in the grocery cart.
While she may be just as pleased with a trip to the grocery store, the library or the car wash, add in some family forays to the zoo, a nature trail, a museum or an outdoor concert. She may not remember the exact details of these outings, but her brain is building its base of knowledge about the world that includes the fact that her parents enjoy spending time with her.
—Dr. Debbie
Deborah Wood, Ph.D., is a child development specialist. She holds degrees in Early Childhood Education, Counseling, and Human Development from the University of Maryland, College Park. She is “Bubbie” to five grandchildren and is the founding director of Chesapeake Children’s Museum in Annapolis.
The museum is open daily from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Summer hours are 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. beginning June 14. Online reservations are available at theccm.org/event-details/purchase-tickets-in-advance or by calling 410-990-1993. Each Thursday, there is a guided nature walk at 10:30 a.m. Art and Story Times with Mrs. Spears and Puppy the Puppet are on Monday mornings at 10:30 a.m.
Read more of Dr. Wood’s Good Parenting columns by clicking here.
