Dear Dr. Debbie,
My little boy is 8 ½ months old. Lately he won’t drink from his bottle unless I am holding him. He held the bottle by himself a few times, then quit. He only drank independently when I put on a video (which I don’t like to do) or handed him a toy which somehow kept him going for a few minutes. He is otherwise a very happy guy! Do you think this is temporary? I don’t want to create a bad habit of having distractions going on at dinner time. (My parents used to argue about eating dinner with the tv on.) Incidentally he is cutting 2 teeth and has a lot of congestion.
Not Drinking Alone
Dear N.D.A.,
Babies have been drinking out of vessels other than a human breast for thousands of years – fashioned from clay, an animal’s horn, and eventually glass and then plastic. Generally, the ability to hold one’s bottle kicks in around 6 to 8 months and may continue as an enjoyed way of drinking even after one has mastered using a cup.
However, for many reasons, it’s best to continue to hold your baby while he’s using a bottle.
Feeding and Loving
Experts have long agreed that the act of taking in food should be identified as a pleasant experience. This means that holding your baby, even as he can hold his own bottle, is how bottle feeding should go.
Besides being a safety precaution against choking, when an adult’s undivided attention is associated with the milk, the baby gets “fed” with love at the same time that the milk nourishes his body. Use your eyes, your voice, your caresses to “feed” him with the notion that his existence is a delight.
Soon enough he will be off exploring the world – still under your watchful eye, turning back to share his discoveries and to bask in your happy co-enjoyment. Let him revel in being your babe-in-arms while he can.
Transition
At eight months your little one should be getting some “solid” food into his mouth more or less on his own. Finger foods and sippy cups (a weighted base helps to prevent spillage) let him navigate the transfer of food from his high chair tray to his own mouth. Spoon feeding has a gradual transition from your guiding the spoon to his own mastery of it. The best first solid foods take into consideration a baby’s teeth, or lack thereof. Start with cubed avocado, or banana chunks, or small pieces of baked potato. All of these can be both finger foods and spooned foods as his manual dexterity improves.
It can be very satisfying to use those incoming front teeth to chomp into these soft foods. His molars won’t come in until after the first birthday, so stay away from foods that need to be ground up in his mouth before swallowing.
He might transition quickly to drinking out of a cup if you add a little variety and reserve bottle drinking to milk alone. For the cup, use water and watered fruit juice. These are better than drinking milk for combatting congestion by the way.
Note, dentists advise against using milk as part of the bedtime routine to avoid running the risk of causing cavities from the sugar in it. Instead, incorporate other comforting bedtime rituals such as enjoying a board book, rocking in the rocking chair, and singing lullabies to transition your little one away from having milk in the bottle before bedtime. If you give him water you can still use a bottle while you snuggle together in the rocking chair, graduating to a few sips from the spout of a “big kid” thermos in a few months.
The Quest for Independence
All this attention to closeness in the first year of life contributes to a secure parent-child relationship. Your little one doesn’t have a sense of self yet; this comes around 18 months. The more of yourself that you pour into his experiences, including pairing close contact with eating, the more confident he will be as he inches toward independence.
The point here is that if bottle-feeding is associated with being in your arms, and all other food consumption is associated with being in the high chair, with you helping as needed and backing off as he’s ready, he won’t turn into a bottle toting toddler.
As a toddler, that is, one who is able not only to walk on his own two feet but who can also carry objects while walking, he will crave his independence, at least off and on. Independence grows as he learns to accept caregiving from other adults, play alongside another child, and be bold enough to say “No!” to you. By around age three, his blossoming self will be articulate enough to have some verbal sparring with you, based on his barely begun reasoning abilities. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves here.
Long car rides aside, it’s best not to allow walking around while eating or drinking. Again, it’s a choke hazard, but unless you have a cooperative dog, it also adds to house mess. And it could lead to the thrilling association of being independent while taking in food, which will be a hard comfort habit to drop. Many a parent has regretted falling into the convenience of juice boxes which encourage mobile drinking – and dripping, and even squirting.
If you take drinks along for a stroller walk or a car ride, take the time to use a thermos.
Dr. Debbie
Write your question to Dr. Debbie! Please include age(s) of your child(ren) and other details about the situation or concern.
Deborah Wood, Ph.D. is a child development specialist and founding director of Chesapeake Children’s Museum, located at 25 Silopanna Road in Annapolis.
The museum is open daily from 10 am to 4 pm. Online reservations are available or call: 410-990-1993. This Saturday at 11 am there will be a live concert for Black History Month with Willie and Lynne. Each Thursday there is a guided nature walk at 10:30 am. Art and Story Times with Mrs. Spears and Puppy the Puppet are on Monday mornings at 10:30 am.
