Maya Angelou once said, “Family isn’t always blood. It’s the people in your life who want you in theirs: the ones who accept you for who you are, the ones who would do anything to see you smile and who love you no matter what.”
With Father’s Day on the horizon, Anne Arundel area residents reflect on their stepdads and the fundamental role these father figures continue to play as the “dads who stepped up.”
From growing pains to generous ‘I love yous’
Gina Cunningham, a Severn native, was 3 when her parents got divorced. Cunningham and her biological father stayed in contact, but he moved about an hour away after the divorce.
Her stepfather, Tony (who asked not to share his last name out of privacy), entered the picture one or two years later.
“It still felt like almost any dad would,” Cunningham says. “I mean, I never called him ‘Dad’; [he’s] still Tony.”
Though Cunningham’s childhood and teenage years weren’t without some “battles,”—she once scrawled a large sign that read, “I hate you, Tony,” on her bedroom door—Tony took on the role of her father. He helped with homework and took Cunningham to baseball and band practices, the latter beginning at 6 a.m.
“My mother and I didn’t have a great relationship, so [Tony] kind of took the role of everyone for quite a few years,” she recalls. “He was the person I would cry to, the person that I would come to for advice and then, of course, [help with] homework.”
It was Tony who walked Cunningham down the aisle when she got married 14 years ago. Cunningham moved home to Severn when she became pregnant with her now- 6-year-old, Richie.
The family gathers regularly, whether for their monthly camping trip or weekly card games. Cunningham has gotten to see her no-frills stepfather become a whole new person with his grandson.
“[My childhood] wasn’t hugs and kisses and ‘I love yous,’” she says. “You knew that he loved you, but there was never ‘I love you.’ I can probably count the amount of times he said it on one hand.”
If Richie says, “I love you, Pop Pop,” Tony replies, “I love you too, buddy.”
“If Richie could say it 20 times in a row, [Tony] would say, ‘I love you, too’ 20 times in a row,” Cunningham says. “I’ve never seen him like this.”
She adds that Tony unequivocally considers her his daughter and Richie his grandson.
‘He really made the effort to make sure that I felt special.’
Stephanie Campbell was raised with her mom and grandpa in Glen Burnie. When she was 7, her stepdad became part of the family, an easy transition for Campbell seeing how happy her mom was as a result of the marriage. Her stepdad was also “super involved” in her life.
“He really made the effort to make sure that I felt special and that I felt included in his life,” Campbell says. “Even though he had older kids—my step siblings—he went out of his way to make sure that I [didn’t] feel like I wasn’t his.”
Campbell’s stepdad drove her 10 to 15 minutes to school every morning down Mountain Road before his commute to Washington, D.C. She says she appreciates this effort in hindsight.
“I didn’t really have a father figure in my life up to that point—my grandfather was around, but he played a grandfather role, not really a father role,” Campbell says. “So, when my dad came into the picture, he really did play that role for me.”
Campbell and her parents spent many days together at Chubby’s Subs & Shakes in Pasadena, a sandwich shop that they owned.
She recalls that there was never a project around the house that her stepdad didn’t include her in. A couple months ago, Campbell found herself changing a flat tire on her car.
“I was four months pregnant at that point, but I had the confidence because he took the time to show me how to do that,” she says of her stepdad.
Campbell is especially grateful for her stepdad’s love and involvement throughout her childhood.
“It’s a choice to love a kid that’s not necessarily yours biologically,” she says.
Now a mom of her own, it’s “so extra special” for Campbell to see her stepdad bond with her two kids with the same love and care that she fondly remembers.
