Dear Dr. Debbie,
I have two boys. They are constantly yelling, crashing toys (blocks, cars), jumping off the bottom steps when they come downstairs, and generally being noise machines. They ignore my requests to quiet down.
Granted I grew up in a house with only girls and memories of my Dad are mostly of him reading the newspaper.
The pediatrician assures me that neither of the children has hearing loss, but I’m starting to worry about mine.
Hands Over My Ears
Dear H.O.M.E.,
Some children are louder than others.
Male-Female Differences
While there aren’t biological differences between male and female children that would account for boys having louder voices, the general consensus is that boys are noisier than girls.
A study reported in The Journal of Voice found that vocal nodules – scar tissue in the throat caused by screaming – are more prevalent in boys than girls at a ratio of 3:1. The Journal also found, “more boys than girls used their voices to produce special sound effects.” Does this sound like your children?
Not only do boys tend to make more noise, they don’t seem to mind hearing it. A study of noise tolerance in children ages 10-19, reported on in the National Library of Medicine, found that, “Boys engage in significantly more high-risk noise activities than girls.”
Softening Noisy Play
The activities you mentioned – blocks, toy cars, and jumping off the bottom steps – can definitely produce more noise than, say, looking at a picture book. In the extreme, vocal nodules from screaming, and hearing loss from being screamed at, are risks of noisy play. Also at risk is a parent or caregiver’s stress level. For these reasons your admonitions for the children to quiet down are warranted. One way to keep children’s conversation at the level of “indoor voices” is to engage with them in the conversation, thereby modeling the appropriate decibel level. (By the way, a whisper is an effective way to catch a child’s attention.)
There are noise dampening strategies for your home décor that you might consider as well. Thick carpeting and heavy curtains can absorb sound, as can upholstered furniture covered in suede, microfiber, chenille or corduroy. Or just cover the couch with a chunky knit blanket. Throw in some textured throw pillows for more muffling of the sound vibrations in the room.
The great outdoors is a nice option for noisy play since the sound will disperse rather bouncing off the walls and into everyone’s ears. Think about bringing block play outside so the sound of the crashing constructions can better dissipate in the open air. Are there things to jump over or off of out there? Grass, dirt, and sand give much less sound when jumped on than the floor inside does. As long as you avoid too much midday sunlight and those pesky late afternoon thunderstorms, there’s no limit to how much time can be spent outdoors each day.
Strong Emotions
Another contributing factor to the noise level of children is their emotional control, or lack thereof. By around age five a child is much more able to manage strong emotions without crying or screaming. This develops not only with age, but with frequent interactions with other children (and adults) which help him to get better and better at expressing feelings in words.
Some more emotionally expressive children, however, may continue to communicate at a high volume. If this is the case with one or both of your children, you might help them to channel this trait through singing or pretend play, preferably outside. You can also spend more time helping them put their feelings into words. Emotions can be expressed with facial gestures, too. It might be fun to play with making the faces of different feelings in a mirror!
Quiet Attention
Has your household fallen into a pattern of loud children followed by parental hushing? It may be that your boys have learned that noise is an easy way to get you to notice them. This can be easily changed by giving lots of attention while they are engaged in activities at a normal sound level. Talk to them about what they are doing. Ask open-ended questions: “Tell me about what you’re building.” “Why do you think this car went further than the other one?”
Parent-child book reading is an excellent activity for quiet conversation. Picture books encourage talking about the objects in the picture as well as the emotional expressions depicted in the characters’ faces and body language. You can relate aspects of the story to your children’s real-life experiences as you read through the pages. Ask questions about what they think will happen next. Or what they might have done differently than the characters did.
Simple coloring, on blank paper, is usually a calming activity. By age four a child is drawing rudimentary people, animals, cars, trees, and the sun. Drawings get more complex with continued experience. For some children, drawing is an easy means of expressing their thoughts and may take the place of needing to scream them out loud. Be sure to give positive attention to your children’s drawings so they’ll want to produce more.
Escape the Noise
If all is well with the children – they’re enjoying each other’s noises and no one is getting hurt – you needn’t subject yourself to the irritation of their high volume play. Staying close enough to respond to any emergencies, you might enjoy some soft music in the next room.
If you have a backyard that keeps the children happily engaged in digging dirt roads, chasing butterflies, singing at the top of their lungs on swings, etc. keep your eyes on them while your ears focus on an audiotape through your headphones.
To reduce your stress level, arrange for breaks from the noise through swapping playdate duty with other moms, or look into enrolling the children in any of the summer camp options that abound. Plan to use your time off in quietude.
There are many good reasons that parents should take breaks from being with their children. The stress of their noise is one.
Dr. Debbie
Write your question to Dr. Debbie! Please include age(s) of your child(ren) and other details about the situation or concern.
Deborah Wood, Ph.D. is a child development specialist and founding director of Chesapeake Children’s Museum, located at 25 Silopanna Road in Annapolis.
The museum is open daily from 10 am to 4 pm including most holidays. Summer hours are 10 am to 5 pm. Online reservations are available or call: 410-990-1993. Each Thursday there is a guided nature walk at 10:30 am. Art and Story Time with Mrs. Spears and Puppy the Puppet are on Monday mornings at 10:30 am.
