Dear Dr. Debbie,
We’re looking at putting our child in preschool for next school year and they require that she be potty trained. She’s currently two and a half. There’s some interest, but she’s definitely nowhere near mastery.
Pull Ups or Panties?
Dear P.U.or P.,
Toilet Mastery is best achieved with parental support and lots of patience. As with other skills she will learn, your little one depends on your assistance and encouragement, and your timely letting go.
Communication
Use vocabulary that will help her understand and communicate about using a toilet. The preschool teachers will probably use the terms commonly used by young children – pee, poop, and potty. (Interestingly, the term “potty” comes from from the use of chamber pots before indoor plumbing. A child’s pot was smaller than an adult’s.) You can include more socially acceptable words – urine, feces (or bowel movement), and toilet as well so that she has access to different words for different settings. “Use the toilet / facilities” or “Go to the bathroom / ladies’ room” are good choices for when she goes with you to a family wedding. Eventually she will be handling her own doctor visits and should have appropriate words with which to discuss her body.
It’s easier to name a male’s body parts for elimination than it is for a girl. Urine passes from the bladder to the urethra, traveling through the penis to exit the body. In both boys and girls, solid waste travels through the intestines to the colon then the rectum, and feces will exit from the anus.
In a girl the urethra is shorter and ends at the vulva. A vulva includes the inner and outer labia on the sides (labia is Latin for lips). From front to back she has a clitoris, the urinary opening, the opening to the vagina, and an anus.
Fecal waste can carry germs, so hygiene is an important part of toilet learning. Both the urinary opening and the vagina are susceptible to infections so it’s important to teach your daughter to wipe from front to back. And always finish with hand washing.
References
Use picture books to start a conversation about using the toilet and or a potty chair. Typically a two-year-old is fascinated by her body and eager to talk about it. A good book can be read over and over, relating the action in the story to her own trials and errors with the process.
Here are some titles you can get at the public library or from a book store:
Once Upon a Potty (Boy version and Girl version) by Alona Frankel
Everyone Poops by Tarō Gomi
Potty by Leslie Patricelli
How to Pee by Todd Spector
Diapers Are Not Forever by Elizabeth Verdick
Time to Pee by Mo Willems
Let’s Go to the Potty! by Allison Jandu
What’s a Potty for? by Katie Daynes
Easy Access
A key to success with using the toilet is to have easy-off clothes and a short distance to the potty or toilet. In the colder months, dress her in elastic waist pants. Encourage her to put them on and to pull them down by herself. In the warmer months, go without pants. Note that pull-ups are designed for a child to be able to pull them down easily, but their high absorbency reduces awareness of an “accident”. Another consideration is their cost versus your time to launder soiled training underwear. You’ll have less cleanup to do if her activities are on washable surfaces or outside.
Most children have 24-hour rhythms to their days such that eating, sleeping, and eliminating happen on a predictable schedule. Knowing her typical daily schedule will help you to be near a bathroom at the appropriate times.
Some families use camping at the beach as the perfect transition between wearing diapers and wearing underpants since much of the day is spent on sand with very little clothing. Pack her a couple of two-piece swimsuits and bring along a potty chair.
A potty chair is a handy portable solution when you’re not close to indoor plumbing. The height is more comfortable than standard toilets for her short legs. Get in the habit of taking it in the car when you go out as she gets used to using it throughout the day.
Some toilet trainees find it exciting to find all the toilets (and potties) in the world. She may enjoy using them as you run errands and visit friends. Try to include visits to friends close to her age who are successfully using the toilet and or potty! Social learning is an excellent means of motivating a two-year-old. If she’s still in training mode next summer, make friends with another family or two who will be going to the same preschool. Potty time can be a social activity!
True Readiness
Toilet mastery happens at a different pace for each child. Be patient. Keep your attitude positive and accommodating. Accidents are bound to occur, so always have a change of clothes handy and have her help you with the cleanup. In handing over responsibility for taking care of her own toileting, you will soon be helping her with accident cleanup. Note that preschool teachers generally do not wipe children’s bottoms. A bath at bedtime takes care of anything your child may have missed with the toilet paper.
Her motivation to achieve toilet mastery might come from:
Wanting to be free from the discomfort of wet and soiled diapers.
Wanting to be free of having to hold still while you change her diapers.
The desire to imitate a child she admires who uses a toilet.
A feeling of empowerment from taking control of her body’s waste and cleanliness.
Wanting to move forward from babyhood (be sure to balance this with lots of cuddles!).
The transition from diapers to toilets is a milestone for you both.
Dr. Debbie
Write your question to Dr. Debbie! Please include age(s) of your child(ren) and other details about the situation or concern.
Deborah Wood, Ph.D. is a child development specialist and founding director of Chesapeake Children’s Museum, located at 25 Silopanna Road in Annapolis.
CCM is open from 10 am to 4 pm daily. Online reservations are available or call: 410-990-1993. Walk-ins are welcome. Art and Story Time with Mrs. Spears and Puppy the Puppet is on Monday mornings at 10:30 am. Each Thursday there is a Nature Walk at 10:30 am.
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