Dear Dr. Debbie,
My house often looks like a tornado went through it. We have a three-year-old and a five-year-old who have very little sense of order even when I try to show them to put all of the same kind of toy in the same place. Clothes and food crumbs similarly go every which way around here.
I should mention that we also have a two-month-old.
Too Much Mess
Dear T.M.M.,
Order is a worthy goal. And rarely does a child see the benefit in the moment. Let’s help your older children get involved in making order so they can taste of its benefits.
Start Small
Choose the space that bugs you the most and take stock of what’s out of place. Pick one category to start with, such as clothes. It’s also helpful for tired mommies and active children to know that there will be a “reward” after a quick tidy time has been completed.
“We’re going to put away all the clothes on the floor.” Children may have trouble discriminating between clean and dirty, so you could direct each piece to either go into the laundry hamper or elsewhere as the children pick them up. (You can do this while holding the baby.) “Then we’ll . . .” pick something that you would have done anyway, for example read a book to them, go for a walk to the playground, put on swimsuits and run through the sprinkler, etc.
Be sure to comment how this short spurt of effort is helping the family. Sorting between clean and dirty clothes, with the latter getting into the hamper, moves along the process of laundry. More of the rug is now exposed which can lead to more thorough vacuuming up of food crumbs and house dust. And it’s now easier to see what else is out of place including things the children may have been looking for.
Reduce, Reduce, Reduce
One main reason for mess is having more stuff than there is room for. A trend among families with little ones is to reduce the swell of gifts the children receive from friends and family by asking for experiences rather than things. Or asking birthday party guests to bring a book to swap with the other guests. Or requesting items needed by a child-serving non-profit organization.
Truly, many families have more toys than the children need. The best toys are the ones that can be used in multiple ways. For instance, pretend pots and dishes are great for make believe in or out of the bathtub as well as for water play outside. Empty yogurt tubs also work for all of the above and easily stack for storage. Likewise one or two sets of any construction toy such as Duplos, wood blocks, Lincoln Logs, train tracks, or Magna Tiles can provide hours of creative play for one or two children and are durable enough to pass on when all of your children have outgrown them.
Clean Up Time
Cleaning up is easier when it becomes part of the family’s routine. Set aside logical blocks in the day’s schedule to tidy up – before meals, before outings, before bed. It may help to add some upbeat music to rev up the cleanup energy.
Major cleanups can occur weekly (to clear a floor for vacuuming), monthly, or once a season.
Some families have a special meal or family screen time or a family outing once a week for which a major cleanup helps to set the tone. Regularly scheduled cleanup operations might include toy washes, baby doll laundry, sorting crayons from markers, and or matching up your list of public library loans (look online for your account) with the books in your home that don’t belong to the family, and in the process, straightening out the bookshelves.
A three-year-old is aware of daily routines. A five-year-old is familiar with the sequence of days in the week. Seasonal clean-ups make more sense to young children when you point out the logic of changing out clothes and playthings in relation to changes in the weather. In our mid-Atlantic climate, one light sweatshirt and one raincoat is all that’s needed for summer weather. Toys for outdoor waterplay need to be handy this time of year. Fall outerwear can make a reappearance, with checking for children’s changing sizes, when cool mornings and evenings return. That’s when the summer’s clothing can be sorted between what to keep for each child for next year and what has outworn its use for your family. (Anne Arundel County accepts fabric items with holes and stains at the 3 recycling centers in the county.)
A Place for Everything
If you eliminate some of your stuff, or at least store it away until its season, you may find you have enough shelf space and containers for what’s left. Under the bed storage could be accomplished with shoe boxes. Tote bags on a wall peg or bed post may work well for some things – still within a child’s reach, but unsightly clutter is gone from view.
Think about setting a good example by putting your own books, papers, keys, etc. in the ONE place they belong. Maybe the spot for papers to be taken care of is next to your computer. A key hook or key bowl – high enough that your children can’t reach it – can be right next to the door you leave the house from.
A good rule for homes with children is to limit where food and drink are allowed. This takes consistent enforcement as well as modelling. In other words, “Do as I do.” If you haven’t yet, find accessible places for cleaning cloths and non-toxic cleaners so children can be included in quick cleanups as they become more independent in the kitchen.
When you help children participate in keeping a tidy home you are giving them important skills (classification, physical coordination), reducing everyone’s stress, and building their pride in taking good care of their things and their surroundings.
Dr. Debbie
Write your question to Dr. Debbie! Please include age(s) of your child(ren) and other details about the situation or concern.
Deborah Wood, Ph.D. is a child development specialist and founding director of Chesapeake Children’s Museum, located at 25 Silopanna Road in Annapolis.
Summer hours for CCM are from 10 am to 5 pm daily. Online reservations are available or call: 410-990-1993. Walk-ins are welcome. Each Thursday there is a guided nature walk at 10:30 am. Art and Story Time with Mrs. Spears and Puppy the Puppet is on Monday mornings at 10:30 am. Why does grilling make food taste great? Find out at the next Savoring Science with Mr. Alex, this Saturday, July 19 from 11 am – 12 pm. Bring your favorite teddy or stuffy to the Teddy Bear Picnic next Saturday, July 26 at 10:30 am.
