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Saturday, October 1, 2022
Home Family Parenting Advice Tweens Need Love, Stability and Confidence…

Tweens Need Love, Stability and Confidence…

 AnnapolisAreaChristianSchoolLogo webSome friends recently joined us for dinner at my daughter’s house in Boston. Besides the six adults and two dogs, we had three girls—kindergarten, first grade and second grade– and a third grade boy.  They were all children. It showed. They played together well.  They were able to naturally include imaginary people and pretend situations as they played in the yard behind the house.  They were comfortable around adults, and when we called them to come inside, they came right in without a single eye rolled or lip smirked.


Children are still focused on their parents and on pleasing them. They can happily pick up their room, feed the dog or take out the trash if we ask them. They are children and may not do these things well, but they normally do them willingly.

Tweens, as you’ve read in other places in this month’s issue, are not like those parent-focused children.  Tweens are focused on themselves and on their peers. They do not wake up in the morning wanting to make mommy or daddy happy. In fact mommy and daddy are usually little more than necessary providers of food, transportation and shelter who routinely embarrass them to tears in front of their friends.

Although they may seem remote, more than ever tweens need love, support and direction from their parents as they face a life that, from their perspective, is unpredictable, chaotic and fraught with potentials for failure.  They live in an upside down world where the girls are getting taller than the boys, where what was cool yesterday is so very uncool today, where your best friend suddenly calls you nasty names, and where that freedom you so desperately craved suddenly feels so scary when you get it.   Your tween needs love, stability, and confidence.  Let’s think of some ways you can provide that for them.

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