As a mom, I try not live my life through my kids. I’m not a fan of those kinds of moms. I thought I was doing a pretty good job of that until last week when my daughter was cut from the lacrosse team. And then I wasn’t so sure.
When I heard she got cut, my heart started to ache. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I felt bad for her, but I also just felt bad. Could I be feeling bad for me?
My daughter seemed to be handling getting cut better than I was. I wasn’t ranting and raving or calling the coaches. On the surface, I was nothing but the supportive mom. But I was pretty upset inside, even though I didn’t want to be.
I know that sports aren’t the end all be all. I know that she will find something else to do, and that she will be perfectly fine. She is perfectly fine. She enjoys many sports, and it was time to start paring back. I crave a calmer schedule anyway, and ultimately, this should help matters. But no matter how much I tried to rationalize it, I was still upset.
I gave it a lot of thought and talked to several friends about how I was feeling. They helped me realize that I wasn’t a crazy mom — that actually, I was pretty normal. Most moms get upset when one of their kids gets rejected. They assured me that the pain would lessen with time. That I’d get over it.
And after a few days, I’m feeling better. But if I think about it too much, I still get a little upset. It’s going to take time to let go of the idea of her playing high school lacrosse. I’ve realized that I really wanted it for her, not for me. And that might be the crux of why it hurt so much.
Before she even got cut, she had a back up plan. She wants to start a badminton team. I think that’s pretty cool, and I will support her anyway I can. In the meantime, she still wants to play club lacrosse this summer. Yippee.
FranklyStein is a blog by Chesapeake Family Magazine editor Betsy Stein who lives in Catonsville with her husband, Chris, and four children, Maggie, 16, Lilly, 14, Adam, 14, and Jonah, 10.